Attention attention

Attention attention,

Focus now

All except the one

Gleefully lost

Sitting in retention

 

I wish to change the world

Yet my world keeps being

Redefined

Trying to be unique

I've lost, what made this mine

 

Attention attention,

My dear;

Why won’t you listen?

Let me enlighten your mind

So you can embrace your prison

 

Too fast this pace,

Losing sight in the haste

My neurons fire endlessly

Never being aware

Of all the deficits

 

Attention attention,

Why are you so lost?

It'll be okay

Just teach yourself

To concentrate the thoughts

 

Hello pill

Is it time again

To help me

Sit here

Be still

 

Attention attention,

Focus now

Just let it sink in

You’re emancipated dear,

Set free from thinking

Author's Note

A much more unorthodox piece. Any feedback is appreciated. Just some thoughts finding their escape on paper, and I would love to hear if you found this sensible at all. Honestly, feel free to be very critical I would like that. Enjoy.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Unorthodox fits you well, my friend. I think this is one of your best. I could pick out so many fantastic metaphors and lines, but that would just be a waste of space in this little box. I love the idea of the "pills to keep you still"...very relatable. I also love the idea of attempting to define a world, a life, that is ever changing. Thought provoking indeed.

[Pollai]

Wow Sarah, that's too kind. Thank you for stopping by and really glad to hear you could relate to this. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

I liked the second stanza best. The last two stanzas made me think of the Drug Ritalin. It's given to people to help with Attention deficit disorder. I was on it at one point but it made me crazier than usual so I stopped taking it. Now I just screw around with the WC and pump Iron. It's better than pills that make you crazier instead of better. Oh yeah, I liked the poem.

[Pollai]

Thank you BR. I have friends who take Adderal (similar drug) and seen it affect them. I have had some tell me I might have ADD but I haven't had it bad enough yet to try and have it checked out. You're right though this WC thing has helped a bunch at times. Glad you liked the poem

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is necessary to find escape on the page, for a writer...but sometimes the thoughts are just too chaotic...we can't focus enough to put something concrete down...it is a mass of confusion.

but then sometimes we need to put the mess on paper and reflect...we may find some order in the chaos.

i like the anxiety of this piece.

jacob

[Pollai]

I agree completely Jacob. I was driving when I came across this piece in my mind and until I put it on paper I felt anxiety, even though I thought this made no sense with flow I just wanted to get it across. It is great you saw that come across. Thank you :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

This style and momentum suits you to your core - more is needed from you my dalring, write away! x

[Pollai]

Than you Thomas, you are far too kind. I'm just happy to see others could make sense of the rumblings in my mind :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Your welcome.

[Pollai]

Thank you* haha

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Thank you for sharing ...:)

[Pollai]

Thank you Sami :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Jack...]

Life, in the form of a pill, nice, round, small and extremely toxic if we don't release ourselves from these prisons. Shout the message my friend, wake them up...for sleeping may just be their undoing.

[Pollai]

Thank you Jack. :)

[TL Boehm]

et me enlighten your mind
So you can embrace your prison

that above is a stellar line. We run on auto pilot so much we don't even realize where we are.

[Pollai]

That we do, thank you TL :)

[Rita L. Sev]

This is wonderful, Pollai. A glimpse into the mind of a person with Attention Deficit Disorder is how I see this. I can see some of my students in this position - the world saying "Pay attention to this"; the child wanting to focus, but in the fleeting moment of attention to THAT, the THAT changes... A pill may calm the mind, but the calm goes too far, almost to comatose... Really well done!

[Pollai]

Thank you Rita. I appreciate your review greatly as its close to what it meant to me :).

[SyberRose]

Well i'm letting this poem sink in ha...very creative pollai..my interpretation of this is taking medicine to calm down and for everything else too that you can think of ha..Its a pill world...Rose:)

[Pollai]

Thank you :) just glad to hear you put thought into this and took something away.