Iono my memories I guess

Ever wake up and see everyone around you fucked up

Notice things that you didn't before

While being caught up in the same thing.

Something needed to change

"I used to suck on molly rocks, it tasted like candy"

The sentence to bring me back to life 

With everything around me

I never abused the way everyone around me seemed to do

I never did Dxm

Or even popped a pill back then

Everyone telling me of things they've done 

My experimental soul 

Tried things all to well

But man could I never be that out of control

I remember one time I partied at an underground rave

Where everyones fucked up in a tight hot space

So the cops won't know we were awake

6, 7 even 8 to 10 am 

We partied till the very end

Everyone fucked up dancing each night.

Well one time in that place

I was speaking with someone who said they needed space 

So we went outside in a car

And thats when I was told 

somewhere in the conversation the line 

"If I wanted you I could, I have my ways"

Brought me back to the days

When I was raped

How hard it was to live with myself each day

But step back to the time I'm in now

I ran away and never came back

In fear with life 

But not showing it

What is this place I've been put in

Where people fight to be fronted a cap of drugs

Where if not getting what is wanted

Acts on impulse 

And pulls a gun to someones head.

But thats only one aspect of life

Can we show that love can really be a lie at times

Where someone can play a roll and take everything you've got in a blink of an eye

Where your first love takes advantage of your fragile heart.

Where the ending of it all left me broken apart

But yet with more understanding of being alone

How you learn when your alone that it's better to love yourself then anyone before.

But lets not say it was as easy as that

How I deal with in this moment is my heart on the line

I have fallen under again

But this time for a man I know will never be mine

So I learn with that

Learned to cut off what I know is not best 

Regardless of what my heart protests 

Why is life hard to function through

The obstacles in our way 

That make it hard to live life each day

I can't take back the memories 

Only learn from them

But I've seen fear in my face

And I can't take it back 

The horrid memories 

Of a broken, non-broken girl

Who can't seem to understand all of this mess

Author's Note

Just bits an pieces of my memories and things I've been through. Give me your thoughts...I might even post a memory so you too can see what my life is like in NY