The begining

Unfinished yet but the opening parts. possible story line is his year 3 friend heather comes back, he remembers her but she doesn't remember him. he spends all summer trying to get her to remember him

My name is Sam Harewood and this is my sto....

 "no no noo, right that clearly doesn't work either" i scrunch up the piece of paper and throw it at the pile of my other disgraceful attempts of writing a book.

 "Why am i doing this?" i think to myself

 "i've got a whole load of things to focus on like my exams, homework, trying to find myself and actual real girlfriend doing things boys my age do but no, here i am, sitting on my bed, like a loser, writing a book. If my friends were to find out i would be the laughing stock of the year, A 14 year old trying to write a book, don't hear that often do you, i should be sitting on my bed watching YouTube like any normal boy. Oh wait I'm not a normal boy, Normal boys have computers, i don't. Normal boys have consoles, i don't. Normal boys, know who their father is, i don't. Normal guys have lives, i don't. I'm just the guy who lives with his sick mum in a council flat in the estate and who's last friend moved to New Zealand all the way  back in Year 3 and left me in my own little bubble, a tiny bubble infact, filled with nothing but air and shitness. I hated everything and everyone. Sometimes it felt like the only thing that made feel me was when i...."

"SAM!!".

 As much as I hated hearing my mum's voice i actually really needed it. It never ends well when i go on these rants to myself.

I pick myself heading for the my room door kicking the pile of paper on the floor..

"SAM!!" she screeched for the second time.

"I'm coming mum" i shouted back hoping it will shut her up for one minute but no that didn't work either.

"SAM!!"

"Coming!!", damn this woman is annoying i muttered to myself.

I open the door to my room, entering the filthy dark corridor of my 2 bedroom apartment, the light had been broken for years now but of course my ma hadn't fixed it yet, she never fixes anything does she.  Walking through this area was like walking through a minefield; you had to watch you or you might end up stepping on a 2 month old rotten slice or Tesco value ham and pineapple pizza or the broken bottle of wine from my mums' drinking days and if you were lucky you got to step on our adopted house rat sandy has he scurried across the corridor floor looking for whatever food we have left to eat

Author's Note

Suggestions pleaseee

Reviews

[Rosie]

I say keep the cussing, it made me snicker. Overall I like it, it's cute. You need more periods, make the sentences shorter. I'm afraid that if you make the sentences too long the character will sound way too whiny. He already has that whiny aura to him, but in a humorous way. Good luck!

[SweetNutmeg]

I love the beginning. The first two sentences are perfect. My suggestion? Keep writing. Don't stop.

[Wolfwind]

Honestly at this point. I would suggest that you loose the cussing in the piece. It's takes away from everything else and will narrow the audiences that may read your work. And find a way to make sure that every time you use "I", its capitalized.
Overall, you've got a good form, dialog and paragraph wise but I would need to see more of the story line to give you any real feed back.

Aaron - Wolfwind