Uncertainties

Its life.

Imagine if one day, some of us wake up with rather the kind of news we should be witnessing and i dont know the exact word to describe the tremendous feeling of waking up in the ER. I only found this after i collapsed out of nowhere one day then it took four days being help captive in the hospital for testings and monitoring. I was told i was lucky to make it thru all these times. What im saying here is i was diagnosed with a genetic heart disease and all of us, my family and all my doctors missed diagnosing me all these times. More than a year ago, i quit my old life because i wasnt happy and start a new one. Without knowing this new one is much more challenging and tons of uncertainties ahead of me, a new life and med school in plan but everything seems stalled at the moment. I was sad for few days then i decided that its part of life and i am going to face with challenge with grace and positiveness. Just out of one day, i am now having a heart problem and i am going to thru with the process of treatments and heart procedures after the new year. Well, how about that? is that how am i going to start my year with a heart procedures? it might sound bad but i want to be hopeful and thankful that i am still breathing and living and i will be ok and i keep telling myself every day to be happy. I dont want this to be the last Christmas or the last New Year, but i want to be the first of the new New Year. Honestly, this hasnt been easy at all because i have made some huge decision over the course of few weeks on stalling everything from med school, to end my relationship to finally spending a lot of time with my family. It seems like i am not busy anymore but the thought of being incompetence really kills me but the thought of how grateful i want to be and how positive i want to be before my surgery, i only hope to walk out of that surgery to be a more happier person than i could ever be. I want my hands hold and i want prayers and mostly, i want God to give me an opportunity to live healthy because my only goal is to finish med school and dedicate my life to give back. i have always a giver but right now, i am a taker and its ok to say it out loud that i need a lot right now. The facts of waking up with this diagnosed hasnt been easy for myself or anyone else who is involved in my life, but i need everything, everyone, and every prayer i can get. i want to walk away knowing i will be ok and i will live and i will be able to give back to society. But the uncertainties are ahead of me and how scary it is to walk into the darkness without any lights, but one thing i will know is God is next to me. I am forever thankful and this holiday i want nothing but love.