When All Is Done

We live to serve, moon or sun, 

Honoring the ways of law or gun. 

Toward the end of our earthly run, 

We count up all we lost and won. 

When acts our heart and soul scar, 

We leave the door to death ajar.

Living a life for goodness's sake 

Glows gently in our eyes and face. 

Even when events sting and bind, 

We can find good in harshest times. 

All we can hope at our last breath 

Is that our works will stand the test.

Author's Note

Sorting out one's ethical and moral standards becomes crucial as the years pile up.

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

'harsher times' would read better than "harshest times"

'... with our last breath' reads better than "... at our last breath".

Also, the transition (lack of) between those two lines is jarring. It doesn't make it illogical but it does make it seemed rushed like you just wanted to hurry up and finish; compared to how the rest of the poem naturally flowed the ending falls flat.

It's good writing none the less. Kind of vanilla and contrived but that's not always a bad thing when you write it well.

Oh yeah... you also have an error in your 'author's note' section. "soring" should probably be 'sorting'... for a retired copy editor that's borderline inexcusable.

[bigfootprint]

Correct on all counts, D. You are thorough and astute. Just goes to show we are all subject to stubbing a toe. I have always gone back and changed words and phrases, even beginnings and endings. But I post things anyway, knowing they aren't finished. Thanks so much

[Davidgeo]

I was just busting your balls about that last thing. Errors like that are never inexusable (not here anyway).

It's a good thing you post unfinished work while at the same time being receptive to criticism. I'd compare that to proposing a scientific hypothesis to the scrutiny of the scientific method... usually they end up being wrong but in that process of objective validation or invalidation we usually find progress regardless... if only to refute said hypothesis.

I look forward to reading more of you.

[bigfootprint]

It is the life of a copy editor, making the rules of grammar, puinctuation, and usage the bedrock of the job. The Stylebook is the ultimate authority. The hard part comes when the copy editor has to grit his teeth and leave unchanged those elements that reflect the writer's personal preferences in syntax and ethics that show through the words.

[Davidgeo]

Interesting. What kind of medium did you work in?

You would probably develop a drinking problem if you were forced to edit my bullshit.

[Gee]

Hmmm, how many lay on their death bed ruing not having made amends, rebuilt bridges etc. I try to remain on an even keel with all and wish only to see my daughter fully grown into adulthood and happy.
Good morning

[jacob erin-cilberto]

all we can do is all we can do...and in the end when the ledger is figured up, we only hope we made some impression in the world...I like your flow and soft and easy rhyme scheme that sounds so natural.
j.

[bigfootprint]

Thank you, Jacob. When time stops us dead in our tracks, as the existentialists say, the jig is up.