'The Spittle Gun'

Nobel Peace Prize awarded to Justupah Sharma - ‘The Spittle Gun’ - for regenerating biodiversity hotspots around the world

NEWS-A-TOCK.COM / Updated: Nov 10, 2089, 22:00 IST

OSLO: After a full year of speculation and prayers, the confirmation is finally here - our own Justupah Sharma from Uttam Pradesh - has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his extremely important work of regenerating biodiversity hotspots around the world.

Nicknamed ‘The Spittle Gun’, the Sharma ji jr. has been on a world tour for the past 15 years, going around spittling seeds from the Svalbard Global Seed Vault everywhere with the hope of reviving the then extinct species.

Like all origin stories, it was Serendipity working its charm which led to this multi-year journey. Like sons of all the Sharma jis, Sharma ji jr. being unable to show his competence in education, took an instant liking to the greatest pastgame of Uttam Pradesh - ‘Spittling Paan’. His adeptness in swishing it around his mouth grinding it to an appropriate viscosity, pouting his mouth to impart exceedingly high velocity to the paan spittle and finally streaking it onto the walls - orangish lines which could challenge the double slit experiment interference patterns. Fortunately for us, his dystopian family ensured a slow but steadily built coffee addiction through his teenage years. And at some moment of time - when the stars aligned for him to think - he used his few grey cells to figure out to have the two loves of his life together - grinding coffee into the pan mix. And that’s how he came up with ‘Cof-feed Paan’ which opened up the flavoured paan industry for us to enjoy.

Now that it was done, someone more intelligent than our Sharma ji jr. figured out an idea of how to save our then slowly decaying planet. And the idea was simple - “Why not unleash this expert - this ‘Spittle Gun’ - to streak our world with the ‘Seed Paan’?”. Post the idea’s adoption by COPXXX under the aegis of United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, Sharma ji jr. was approached. Expecting reluctance to their idea, COPXXX had brought forth all their armoury to convince him. But it wasn’t required. He was anyways looking for a path of Nirvana in those orangish streaks and this provided him with the perfect opportunity.

Since then, our warrior - ‘The Spittle Gun’ - has been crisscrossing across the world igniting its dead innards to rise like a phoenix.

Cheered by all through his journey, he has been a constant source of inspiration for all of us in trying times. It’s only now that his efforts are reaping the reward - the rejuvenation of our plant Earth.

We come together today to wish this hero our bestest thanks - a hero we didn’t deserve but we did get.

Read Next: The absurdity of claiming that private jets hurt our sporadic fight on climate change.

Reviews

[Beenoxi]

How very imaginative !
And so close to our culture now almost a tradition :)
I love the energy and a 66 year vision, so close to the 50 odd years Ratan got to build his empire (I will have to explain this I know)

But good job Manish, I like the imagination which goes far beyond creativity.
And thus excited about 'Read Next'.
Besides, you are now inspiring me to start typing... :)

[Arundass TP]

Interesting story. Enjoyed reading.