Memories

Among the tides we sleep
the birds soaring above the ocean
the fish swimming in the deep
and the boats swaying in motion

There is no one there to listen
as she sits alone to weep
the tears upon her face glisten
the memories are hers alone to keep

Author's Note

Let me know what you think... and how to improve.
~ Chole <3

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i think the first line could be a little more sensible but, other than that this is a very nicely arranged, cleverly worded and lovely poem. just a suggestion: you could change the first word of the first line to "above", suggesting that you are in a boat and reinforcing the "swaying in motion" reference. just a thought. all in all a great write...

[Ciarraí Danielle..]

Hmmm, this seems pretty good to me. It's beautifully written. If anything, I'd say the flow in the last two lines of the second stanza is just a bit off. Other than that, it's great! ^^

[Cassiopia Summers]

There is great imagery in such simple verse. The style if perfect, and it's a decent poem. Great write.

[Rene Velez]

leave it the way it is, very nice indeed, great imagery...

[StarSandwich]

:D I like this one.. The flows good and It has its own unique way its cute :)

[DontBlink158]

I really dont know what to say, it was extremly ... ER whats the word, Idk. But it was great. I dont think it needs and improvment i liked it just how it was.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

awww sweet yet feeling filled :)

[Daytonight]

This is lovely the way it is. You have penned some lovely imagery. It rhymes and flows well.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a great piece. I thought you did a really nice job on this poem. I liked the flow of it. The rhythm is great. Thanks for sharing. :)

[brenda]

i like this really sad and beauitfully expressed :)

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Love the detail in this short poem:)