Staring Back At Me

This floor I sit upon,

it feels so warm, so homely

as if I was meant to be here

for a thousand years,

or several more…

as I erode away,

but I do not care,

nor am I afraid…

but I’ll just sit here

and just stare…

at you,

whoever you are,

staring back at me,

as if you hadn’t noticed

that I can see…

your smile,

your eyes,

your truths,

and your lies

but I do…

and I always have,

and always will

as you sit there,

upon that windowsill

and stare right back,

at me…

Reviews

[SheIsMe]

OH man I loved this one. So real and speaks to so many. The format and emotion keeps you reading and the end is a twist, knowing that you're staring at your own reflection in the window. At least, that is what I imagined at the end. REALLY loved this!!!

[dan]

Brian, Your writing is done so well, but the FORMAT, with that extra phrase tacked on to the end of each stanza, is a brilliant way to CONSTRUCT the piece. For example, the first stanza: "...as if I was meant to be here for a thousand years, or several more." That extra phrase, that form of drilling down into the time capsule to notice those extra few years, got my attention like a thunderclap. A very well thought out way to construct your piece. And to leave the reader trying to guess what's on the sill (a bug, a bird...a leaf?) is a very effective way to draw the ending frame. Very nicely done, Brian! take care...dan

[Brian M. Peeples]

Thank you for the review! I was very flattered that you enjoyed the way I wrote this poem. When I write poetry and post it on writerscafe, I don't intend on receiving such astonishing reviews as this one. Poetry, as well as writing, can be considered the truest way I know how to connect with the world and those living in it. Like poetry, for example, is an expression of the heart; how a person, the artist, truly feels deep within. My heart is attached to this vessel upon which it touches the same earthly soil that all other life has once touched, and where many more shall stand for lifetimes to come. Simply put, I share my work not to gain anything from it, besides others, perhaps, placing their hearts in the soil; to where it may grow into something beautiful, once again.. Once more, thank you for this beautiful review!

[dan]

Astonishing writes tend to provoke me to write astonishing reviews. It's all on you, Brian. Again...well done. take care...dan

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. I liked the flow of thoughts leading to the good ending.
"your smile,
your eyes,
your truths,
and your lies"
We can accept a lot of things for the honor of seeing in the eyes of a beloved. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Isabella Disney]

slightly chilling, very mysterious. the last line finishes it well :)

[Emily]

I really like this one!
Keep it up!

[wordman]

a great suspenseful write brian,so what was on that sill

[Brian M. Peeples]

It could be anything, hah! :)

[wordman]

i thought an old cigarette butt for some reason

[Brian M. Peeples]

I was thinking a flower maybe, and the narrator being the Sun, the 'floor' being outerspace.

[wordman]

that works for me,deep thoughts