chapter 2

Friends! Why can’t they just let you complain about your features in peace? And why do they find it so hard to believe that when you get older you are going to be obsessed with your job, have a million cats, and die alone?

As I asked Dev, “don't you hate that moment when you realize that you don't have a boyfriend because you are 5' 1-1/4", a little over weight, have hair so thin that it makes your head look too small for your body, pail as a porcelain doll, have no social skills (usually because your nose is in a book), you have about 3 friends, and look like your ten?” Not that Dev would ever know that moment, but I needed to complain to someone.

            “Don’t you hate that moment when your gorgeous best friend is complaining that she’s ugly when she’s not?” Devyn answered wittily. Actually, I did hate that and Dev was the worst offender, coming right before Val. The difference was that Dev (and Val) actually is gorgeous, where as, I’m not. I didn’t say that. Instead, I just sighed softly as Devyn waved away all my reasons, one by one. Then I was silent until she was done yelling at me because I was further in b**b development than her.

            You have to admit, I’m persistent. About a week after my realization on why I didn’t have a boyfriend, I went on to conclude that I’ll never have a boyfriend. And so I immediately texted Devyn and conveyed to her the whole job/cat/die thing that I mentioned in the first paragraph. Of course, Devyn didn’t agree with me (she’s persistent, too) and she spent the next half-an-hour trying to convince me. After that half an hour and quite a few swears from her side, I gave up on her.

            And on Monday we went back to school and I told Val my prediction. She laughed and began to attempt to reassure me after she realized that I was completely serious. It isn’t that comforting to have someone who already has a boyfriend tell you that you will find someone someday. After all, it’s easy for them to say that because they already found someone and, therefore, have nothing to worry about.

            As I think about this, I write things down in this book that Devyn, Val, and I are creating. It doesn’t have a title yet but its all of our information about boys compacted into one notebook. Dev got the idea after reading The Boyfriend List, which she then lent to me for ideas. I don’t have much experience with guys, as you should know by now as I’ve been complaining about it this whole chapter. Val has a boyfriend, as you should also know, and Devyn has been in love with a guy since last year. Well, we think it’s love, anyway. Me? My experience is limited to having to turn down a guy last year. Which was a nightmare. He was a nice guy (the kind that you want nothing more than friendship with) and I let him down as gently as I could, being my first time being asked out and all. I’ll spare you the gruesome details.

            Before you worry about the future readers of our book and what advise I could possibly be giving them, I made sure to warn them about my experience level… which is zero. I have a feeling that my section will be essentially about crushism. Dev isn’t worried. In fact, she thinks that I’ll have plenty of information to offer. This may be because I invented the “Guy Grading Sheet” which, Dev and use daily to see if a guy is worthy of crushing over. Well maybe not daily. But, pretty often, anyway.

            I strongly believe that every girl in America (actually, the world. But I’ll start small) should have on of these grading sheets. So I’m including it in this book in hopes that one day, someone will actually agree with me (other than Dev) and have a way of distributing it to the girls that populate our country.

            So, with out father ado:

 

Guy Grading Sheet

 

Looks:

Hair 1 to 4 points  ___________

Eyes 1 to 3  ___________

Skin color 1 to 2  ___________

BONUS POINTS!!!!   ___________ 

 

Fashion sense:

Shirt 1 to 3  ___________

Pants 1 to 2   ___________

How he wears outfit (are pants super low? Is shirt tucked in?) -2 to 2 ___________

BONUS POINTS!!!!  ___________

 

Sense of humor:

Jokes -3 to 4  ___________

Laughing -1 to 3  ___________

BONUS POINTS!!!!  ___________

 

Personality:

Talking -3 to 5  ___________

Conversations -2 to 5  ___________

Actions -5 to 5  ___________

Around friends -5 to 5  ___________

Around other girls -5 to 5  ___________

Around adults -2 to 3 (no one likes a suck up but no one likes a jerk either)  ___________

Around animals -5 to 5  ___________

BONUS POINTS!!!!  ___________

 

You are allowed to give bonus points for certain things that he does that amaze you (in a good way) but you are only allowed to give 2 bonus points per section

 

A GUY MUST GET A 35 TO PASS!!!!!!!!!

 

Must be completed by both you and a friend. Find the average score.

 

Reviews

[Sophie]

Seriously, write more. AND OMG DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN??????? You've been asked out, which means YOU WILL NOT FIE ALONE! The million cats thing... well we're both gonna have that alone or not... My section will be about crushism as well :P
PS my mom said yes for friday