The Ocean

17th poem

Her and I sat along the ocean.
Waves crashed upon the shore,
I strummed my guitar to their sound.
The sun was setting below the horizon.
The wind blew through her hair;
As it chilled the both of us.

We looked up at the night sky's many eyes;
As we laid on the beach's smooth sand.
The waves were starting to touch our feet.
Its cool feeling caused her to shiver.

The wind was dying down.
Her hair stopped blowing.
The waves slowed themselves.
And then I woke up.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I agree with the review below: the first two stanzas have a mellow tone to them...although the last could be interpreted as melancholy, i.e. the scene from the start of the poem was only a wistful dream(?)

Great write.
It's pleasant to read, and also intriguing.
Well done.
Thanks for sharing it with me.

p.s.
I'd change "shore," to "shore;".
Or:
Her and I sat along the ocean;
Waves crashed upon the shore.
I strummed my guitar to their sound."

Semi colon not really needed here:
"The wind blew through her hair;
As it chilled the both of us." - either a comma or no punctuation will work fine.

"We looked up at the night sky's many eyes;" - lovely image, but same as above re: the semi colon (it's good to see you using them though).

"layed" - either "laid" or "lay".

[John O'brien]

guitar? You don't play guitar. Must be a poem about me.

[Elijah Gleaves]

It was all a dream. You set a really relaxed mood it almost feels like the reader dreaming. Nice work

[Anthony Thomas]

This was a very relaxed poem. Very mellow. I like the way you wrote it since your words gave way to a nice mellow imagery.