Shadows

Gray falls in love with the dark and mysterious Zoey

Shadows

I watched her from a distance like I always did, a part of the shadows. She had brought home another victim. From my spot on the roof I could see her enter her apartment from the street below. Three minuets later she was inside her bedroom with him. The young man didn’t put up much of a fight. Sometimes it took several hours to get a man into bed---her beautiful black wrought iron bed with black satin sheets. I often longed to be one of her many men, to feel her soft touch and then look into her fiery eyes. Yes, my Zoey was both sweet and cruel. Her men would be teased, maybe even fucked, but then they would get scared. Their eyes would widen with fear as brought out one her toys. Which toy she brought out depended on the man. Some men cowered at a simple pair of handcuffs, others didn’t sweat until she brought out a knife or ice pick.

Slowly Zoey seduced him. She let him touch her, but then pulled away. This blond male bimbo wanted her even more after this. She handcuffed him to her bed and began her elaborate game. He tried catching her n****e in his mouth as her beautiful breast dangled enticingly over him. Zoey tickled him with her long red hair. I watched, waiting for her to make her check and checkmate move. She slid down the length of his body and pleasured him. I felt myself grew hard. I loved not watching Zoey have sex, but Zoey playing her games. She was so cunning and yet so charming. Most women became b*****s or w****s, but she was neither. I could see the pain and the joy in her at that same time. As she changed from hot to cold I could see her facial expression and her eyes change. For just a moment there was vulnerability. I knew Zoey had been hurt, and this is why she refused to do more than tease men. After touching, kissing and playing she usually left them handcuffed to her bed or kicked them out. They were always very pissed off, but she like that. The man in her bed now was no different.

But I was different. I understood her. I knew that I could save Zoey. I was the one who could reach her heart that was buried beneath years of pain. The problem was we had never actually met. I had been watching her for nearly a year now, but I had never approached her. I had noticed her when I was walking to and from work. One time we were both on 42ed street and I was right behind her. I watched her go into a coffee shop and then into a music store. After seeing her several times I felt like out lives had intersected for some special reason. When I realized she lived in the building next door I was sure there had to be a reason behind this, a reason for me falling completely in love with her. I know that watching her isn’t the most honest thing to do, but I could never find the courage to confront her. The all consuming feelings inside were too much to handle. I didn’t want to lose control of the situation. By sitting here on my roof top I felt safe, I felt like a gargoyle or even her guardian angel.

Several days after her last conquest we met. She came to see me in my office. The dinky and dirty place I call work is a tiny law firm. When she came to my cluttered desk I felt ashamed. The dim florescent light blinked and I did a double take. It was definitely her and she was dressed in her usual short black skirt and blouse. I extended my hand, “Gray Robertson.”

“Zoey,” she said shaking my hand. She sat down in the brown plastic chair. “I need some legal advice.”

“You came to the right place.”

“You see I have this guy who has been stalking me.”

I nearly died. She could only be talking about me. Calmly I replied, “So what has he been doing? Sitting in his car watching you? Has there been any death threats or obsessive letters or obscene calls?”

“No, actually he just follows me around and watches me.”

“Doesn’t sound very bad.”

“No, not really, but I was wondering what I should do.”

“Well, I think that you should confront him,” I told her while I fiddled with my pen nervously.

“Okay, what should I say?”

“Maybe why are you stalking me? Why can’t you call me like a normal person so I can reject you?” I couldn’t help from throwing that in.

Zoey smiled and handed me a card with her phone number on it, “It was nice meeting you Gray. Thanks for the advice.” She got up to leave, but stopped to add, “Call me sometime, like a normal person.” With that she turned on her heel and left me. You had to love her for doing stuff like that.

That night I was back on the roof. It was dark and cold out and I was ready to go back down into my empty apartment below. She didn’t bring a man home that night so there wasn’t much to watch. I thought about what she had said and considered calling her. What the hell. I took my black cell phone out and dialed her number, which I had already memorized. After three rings she picked up.

“Hello,” she answered.

“Hello,” I replied.

“So finally decided to call, huh?”

“Yup.”

“Are you on the roof right now?”

“As usual, “ I told her. She appeared in her window holding her cordless phone. Zoey was dressed in a beautiful black slip dress. Her lips twitched into a satisfying smile.

“How’s the view?” she asked.

“It couldn’t be better.”

“Why don’t you come inside. I’m sure that is a better view.”

“It might be a little awkward.”

“Why is that?”

“It would be spoiling the dream.”

“The dream is nothing compared to the real thing.”

“Does me watching over you scare you?”

“Not really, you seem nice enough.”

“Are you going to f**k with me?”

“I don’t think so. We’ll see how things go.”

“I’ll be down to your door in five,” I said ending the call. I took the fire escape to the first floor and jumped down to the ground. I crossed the dark, wet street and opened the big metal door of her building. I took the big freight elevator to her floor and walked into her hallway. I knocked on her door and waited. She opened the door a second later and asked me in. The apartment looked bigger in person then it did from the roof. It was open and airy with few decorations. It wasn’t all together uninviting.

“Looks different from the inside doesn’t it?” she asked with a smile. Her smile was warm and genuine. It wasn’t her usual teasing smile. I felt like she trusted me more than anyone else I’d seen her with.

“Yes, it does.”

“Come in, sit down,” she gestured. “I’ll get us something to drink. Is wine okay?”

“Sure,” I said sitting down on her plush white couch. “You don’t strike me as a wine drinker.”

“Just because I usually serve harder drinks doesn’t mean I don’t like the finer things in life,” she returned as she walked over to her kitchen counter. The counter was white like the couch and the rest of the apartment.

I thought out loud, “Odd, you surround yourself with white when your emotions run so dark.”

Zoey pulled a bottle of red wine from the cupboard above and got out two glasses. As she poured she spoke, “Why do you say my emotions run dark? I have thought of my emotions as many things, but dark isn’t the first word that comes to mind.”

“What does?”

“Painful, twisted, strange, loathsome, bitter, sad, damaged or maybe just complex. Sometimes I think I am a mental case, other times I think I could be the only normal one in a sea of emotionless zombies.” She brought over the glasses and handed me one. Zoey sat down beside me and took a drink of her wine.

“Those things are all dark, but not necessarily bad.”

“You’ve seen the bad things I do.”

“If they are bad why do you do them?” I asked. After a moments pause I said, “No, I know why. Why do you think you do them though.”

“I think I do it because I want revenge.”

“Who hurt you like that? Who hurt you so much?”

“Who hasn’t?”

I took a drink. “I would guess you were a victim of abuse. Your father, followed by a few men who called themselves your boyfriends. You are angry at yourself for letting it happen, angry at men for causing it, and angry at women for not standing up to it.”

“You are quite perceptive Gray,” she said downing the rest of her wine. She set down her glass. “But it isn’t that simple.”

“I know. Words mean so little in the face of reality. I could tell you the depth of my emotions for you, but the words would be lost among the lies. Actions speak louder, so much louder. You calling me over here means more than anything you’ve actually said to me. It means you understand.”

She nodded, “My turn for questions. What is it that you feel?”

“I feel a connection. I feel your pain because I have been hurt. I have been abused in the past and I suffer now. You bring men home to tease and torture while I am damned to love someone from a distance.”

“What do you mean exactly?” Zoey asked. She was completely into the conversation. Her eyes were locked on my own.

I began to explain, lost in her blue eyes. “I love you knowing you can’t love me back. That is part of the attraction. If I could have you I might not want you.”

“Then you believe you don’t deserve love either.”

I took her warm hands in mine. “Why do we continue our miserable little lives if we know all these things?”

“Maybe I don’t want to change,” she cried. Her eyes welled up with tears.

“I know that I am in love with the very pain I want to take away. How can their be anything but disappointment I tell myself.”

“What have we to lose?” Zoey asked.

I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. She received me openly and our tongues touched. Other kisses paled in comparison to this one. The energy I’d held inside came rushing out. I didn’t know what to do with it all. Her hands moved from my hands to my lap and I was aware of my desire.

We broke from the kiss. I caressed the side of her cheek and looked lovingly into her eyes. “Who are you?” she asked.

“Your dark angel.”

“My angel of the night, I have been searching for you all my life.”

“I feel like I’ve known you, like I’ve always known you. You are a part, every part of me....”

Zoey began crying and her tears fell like the rain. I pulled her close and held her safely inside my arms. It was as if the heavens had opened up and there was a ray of hope finally. To completely connect with someone like that was a rare gift and both of them knew it. It was unexpected, unreal and undeniably wonderful.

When Zoey stopped crying she looked right up into my eyes and pleaded with me. “Take away the pain. Take me away from all the lies, all the lonely nights and the numbness inside.”

I touched her face and kissed her again. What came next was indescribable. We made such beautiful love that the earth moved and time stood still. Waves of pain and love washed over us as we let go for once. We walked somewhere between life and death that night. Our heart beats, our breaths and our souls were one. We became whole for once and our bodies became the vehicle in which moved closer to ourselves.

Neither one of us are sure what comes next, but we are so glad to have found each other at last.     

Author's Note

Originally Appeared in Radiant Darkness, 2000