Chapter One: Enid

Enid makes her way to the Kingdom

The Valley of Flames wasn’t as foreboding as it sounded, especially in the fall. The Valley of Flames was a large, expansive path that split through the entire Kingdom of StormHael, splits in each hill and mountain around  the path winding to different villages within the kingdom. The reason it was called the Valley of Flames was because it used to be infested with dragons, but now, it was because of the rich yellow and red leaves that looked like fire when the sun reflected against them in the fall.

It was beautiful now, but also a prime place for ambush when people were travelling from one place to another. Enid had first hand knowledge about this, especially as she made her way to the main city. It was a long, hard pilgrimage from the small village of Constenia to the main city, and along the way she’d met some less than savory people.

They must have thought that she was the prime person to target. Enid was a small girl, with honey colored skin and eyes that made her look naive and innocent. She was travelling alone too. Enid remembered the first time that she was ambushed on her way there�"it smelled of smoke and rain that day, and Enid’s shoes were soaked to the core.

She could feel the hum of things that were alive around her, boisterous and loud. With each step it seemed to warn her. Look out. So she did. She watched the mountains and trees that stretched over her to see if someone was watching her.

Someone was in fact watching her. He came from behind, held a knife to her, wanted money. The works of the usual low life around this place. She could feel his heart thrumming, feel the energy that made up this attacker. “I don’t think you want to do that.” She had told the man. She had tried to warn him. He only pressed his blade closer to her neck, threatening to kill her if she didn’t give him what he wanted.

She could imagine herself grabbing the muscles in the man’s body, wrapping her hands in the energy of his life force, and squeezing. A momentary flash of heat overtook her body and he clattered into the mud a second later.

She got a knife and some cheese for her journey that night, although the girl remembered that the closer she got to the main city, the more dangerous it would be to do that. The Kingdom of StormHael would execute her on site if they found out that she had magic. Lay low. She reminded herself.

It took five days journey to finally see the actual main city over the horizon, she got out of the Valley then, a feeling of relief lifting the tension in her shoulders as she saw it. The main city of the Kingdom was a large thing, it was such a large city that Enid was left slightly in awe. She’d never seen a place so big in her life. The city resembled a clock. There were three walls around the city, each made of some sort ivory material that shone in the sunlight. At the top of the third ring, a large, towering castle stood tall.

This was made out of something that seemed to absorb the light that tried to pierce through that. She was finally there.  She wasn’t sure how long she’d been walking before she had gotten through the lower city and up into the marketplace. The marketplace was a big thing expanding a good few miles in each way, stands and stores standing tall, merchants shouting at people, telling them to buy whatever they were pedaling, and people bustling about the place. Some eager to spend as much coin as they possibly could.

Enid was almost there when she came across a large, circle like clearing, where several men in royal seals were laughing and joking with each other, kicking around a servant boy that they seemed rather fond of making fun of. She stood there, staring for a minute, but she wasn’t sure if she should intervene or not. These men were royalty, after all.

All she wanted to do was get to the kingdom, and rest. She just stared for a minute, looking down at the boy who kept picking up a shield that one of the men was insisting that he pick up the entire time. The man hit the shield with one of the training knives, it’s force striking the board so hard that it rolled out of the boy’s hand again.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be an idiot, go and pick it up!” The man shouted. Enid looked on�"slightly disgusted with the display. She walked over to the pick up the shield and hand it to the boy.

“Thank you,” He whispered.

“No problem,” She looked over at the young man that seemed to be joking at the expense of this man. “That man’s an a*s.” The boy’s eyes widened and he pursed his lips.

“Excuse me, stop flirting with that girl!” He said.

“I’m sorry that you have to deal with that,” Enid muttered. It was something that she shouldn’t have done. Something that she probably would regret later.

“‘Scuse me?” The young man said. “What’d you say?” He had a posh accent, he was probably someone of importance. Someone that Enid was best not to engage with.

“Nothing,” She said. “Was just asking him where I could find a job.” She was hoping that that would be enough to get this man off her case.

“Right,” He said. He looked down at the boy, who was still holding his shield. He was sort of cowering away from the other, looking up at him like he was expecting him to strike him. “Well, run along then. I assume you got your answer.” Something about his response rubbed her the wrong way. It didn’t help when she watched him gesture to the boy like he was going to strike him, laughing a little when he flinched.

“Maybe you should give the boy a break,” She said. There was another thing that she should have held back. “Excuse me.”

“He looks tired.”

“And who are you to question me�"?”

“No one,” She said. “I just think that maybe if you gave your servants more of a break, the people that serve you would respect you more.”

“Go away,” He said.

Enid decided that it was best to leave as soon as she could, watching this man go harass his servant a little bit more. It was impulse, really, what she did next. Enid stared at one of the barrels from one of the passing by carts, focusing on the energy around it, willing the wind to push it down and it to start rolling. She watched as the barrel rolled right onto the man’s foot. He cursed. It would be enough to give the kid a break.

Enid turned around and started walking to the final wall.  The entrance to the castle was divided into several different routes. Enid knew that she was looking for a specific one, the girl headed towards one of the guards. “Excuse me, guard?” Realising that she hadn’t spoken in a few days, Enid coughed, and spoke again. “Guard?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’m looking for a job within the city, I was wondering if you could point me to where I would need to go to do that?” The guard pointed to the right.

“Third line.”

“Thank you so much,” She walked to the third line, waiting to get processed. By the time all of that was done and she was handed three recommendations within the castle, it was nearly dark. Enid wondered if she would even be able to get to these people and ask for the job before the moon came up into the sky.

Enid decided to go to the physician first, a woman by the name of Brenha Cessworth, Enid remembered hearing things about her far out in the Valley of Fire and how she was renowned in being able to mend people again. That was where she would start. Hopefully the woman would be kind enough to give her a place to stay as well.

Author's Note

This is a first draft, just saying, so there will probably be problems. I just need feedback to keep myself motivated to keep writing lol

Reviews

[Agyani]

The idea behind the story sure is interesting. It's the one thing that will keep the reader wanting to read it until the end and then the next part and so on. But I think you should perhaps consider two things.

The first is that you should be a little more descriptive about certain things. "The works of the usual low life around this place", "The city resembled a clock". I feel these are some statements which you should expand and expound so that the reader can better visualize the story. Yours is a fantasy thing, and it's your words that will determine how clear a picture the reader can get about the world you see.

I think you could begin the story with the line "The Kingdom of StormHael would execute her on site if they found out that she had magic". It'll prepare the reader for the bit about muscles and energy when the punk jumps on Enid. That's not to say that the beginning is bad as of now. It is good, and I really liked Valley of Flames' imagery. Just one thing, though. Scattered leaves don't really reflect the sun. Nothing does. It's rays that are reflected by objects. A minor point, but every bit counts. :)

[SarahK]

I love the imagery it's so beautiful! I can't wait to read more of this

[Carina M]

Thank you!