Mist, Ice, and Rain- Chapter 1

Misty Maynard was lost. This was actually a common occurrence for her, however, and it ceased to frighten her.  She was just annoyed.

Her college orientation was already not going to plan. Her little brother, Will, was sick and her father stayed in the hotel room to take care of him. Only her and her mother were able to attend the tour of Marean University's campus. This was the last time that her family was to spend time together before the start of Misty's freshman year of college.

It was on this tour that she was separated from her group. She stopped to take a picture of a seagull sitting on a statue, only to find that the rest of the students and their parents continued on without her. She looked around for any recognizable features as she placed her camera back in her bag. Unfortunately, the campus was still foreign to her and she was out of luck.

Instead of chasing after her mom, her tour group, or the overly perky guide, she decided to sit under a tree. The shade cooled her fair skin from the heat of the late-summer sun. She pulled her long dirty blonde hair into a loose ponytail and took her sketch book and an apple from her bag. She hummed a melody to herself and began drawing the landscape laid out in front of her.

A girl about Misty's age was sitting on the bench. She had light brown wavy hair that was neatly tucked into white headband. Her tan skin was complemented by the teal tunic and white shorts that she was wearing. She was talking on the phone with her thick eyebrows cross and her thin lips pursed. Misty focused on the young woman's face as she sketched. She couldn't hear her conversation, but it sounded like she was worried or stressed about something. She was wearing a new student name-tag and holding orientation papers and a map. Her gold-sandal clad foot tapped impatiently on the ground as she crossed and uncrossed her legs. Misty took a bite of her apple and continued sketching this stranger. She carefully illustrated her gold bracelets that sparkled in the light and the brown leather bag that was next to her.

The girl finally got up and walked away, still talking on the phone. Misty finished both her apple and her drawing as her mother approached her.

"Misty!" She exclaimed as she walked toward her daughter. "I have been looking everywhere for you. The tour finished without you."

"Sorry," Misty mumbled in a slight southern accent as she returned her sketchbook to her messenger bag. "I got side-tracked and ended up here."

"When doesn't that happen?" Her mother asked with a laugh. "You have got to get your head out of the clouds."

"But it's so pretty from up here!" Misty said, scrunching her nose and smiling.

She brought herself to her feet and dusted the dirt off of her ripped jean shorts. She adjusted the faded concert t-shirt that she inherited from her dad and walked with her mom.

                         

~~~~~~~~~~~

"But Grandma," Mary Larson started as she got up from the bench, "I don't know if I can come home right now. I'm in the middle of orientation. Can Kim come help fix the garbage disposal?"

Her question was answered with a combination of sass and pure rage that only Grammy Larson could produce.

Mary carefully placed her map and student handbook into her bag. She only had ten  minutes to get to her meeting with the scholarship committee. The meeting didn't actually start for another thirty minutes, but she always had to be early.

"Alright," Mary sighed as she quickly walked past the library. "I'll come by tonight after my last meeting. I love you and I will see you later."

She stopped briefly to place her phone in her purse. She looked at her watch and realized that she had just enough time to get a refreshment before her meeting. She dashed into the nearby cafe, Coastal Caffeine, and grabbed a bottled smoothie. She paid for her drink and turned around, only to see her favorite fashion blogger sitting at the table by the large front windows.

Mary did a triple take, wondering why the New York City-based model and beauty guru was in South Carolina. The beautiful red-head was sitting with a brunette woman who seemed to be in her fifties.

“She's probably one of her famous fashion-designer friends,” Mary thought as she grabbed a napkin.

The model was wearing a black tank-top with a pair of bright red pants. A black snakeskin bag was resting at her feet, matching her black patent-leather pumps. The lanyard of her new student name-tag was tied around the handle of the purse. The sharp features of her face softened as she laughed along with the brunette.

"Oh crud," Mary muttered to herself as she glanced at her watch and realized the time. She darted out the doors of the café and jogged to McHilton Hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm just saying," Amy Aiden chuckled, "If I hadn't done that show then I would never have had the modeling career that I do now."

"I know that!" Carla Ross exclaimed as she laughed with tears rolling down her cheeks. "But no model should ever be a part of a faux fur lingerie show."

Amy laughed and looked down at her iced coffee. She was discovered by her current agent at that particular show at the young age of fifteen. Her mother convinced her to take part in the show to help out one of her fellow fashion designers.  Her nanny, Carla, was on the front row cheering her on.

Amy looked up from her drink to notice a girl and her mother walking into the café. The girl was wearing jean shorts, a vintage looking purple t shirt, and a long silver necklace. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun and a brown leather messenger bag hung at her side. Brown gladiator sandals complemented the bag and clicked along the cement floor as she walked toward the counter. A new student name-tag was clipped on backwards at the bottom of her shirt.

"I like that girl's outfit," Amy said as she watched the young woman order a sandwich.

"For you?" Carla asked, turning to get a better look at the stranger. "I couldn't see you wearing that."

"No, not for me," Amy replied, lightly chuckling. "But the bohemian-hippie-trippy look is in right now."

Amy pulled out her phone to take a picture as the girl turned to find a table. She saved the photo in her "Stylish Scorpio" album to blog about later.

"When are you going to stop working all the time?" Carla asked, grabbing the phone from her hand.

"When I'm the most famous fashion designer in the world."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you excited about finding out who your roommates are?" Misty's mother, Jo Maynard, asked her daughter as they walked out of the café.

"I'm excited and nervous," she replied, taking out her camera to get a shot of the Atlantic Ocean. Marean University was located on the coast of South Carolina with beautiful views of the water. Ocean breezes filled the air as the new students walked to and from their meetings and tour groups during orientation week.

"What are you nervous about?" Her mother asked as they stopped to sit on a bench near the library.

"I don't know," Misty mused. "I guess I just don't know if we are going to have compatible personalities or not. I want to be able to have roommates who are also friends."

"What does your astrology book say about who you are compatible with?" Her mom asked with a chuckle.

"I don't remember. Let's find out!" Misty said with a grin as she pulled the Pocket Guide to Astrology from her cluttered bag. The book had been a present from her best friend on her eighteenth birthday. Misty didn't necessarily believe in astrology, but she thought that it was fun to read about.

"Those that fall under the sun sign Pisces are typically the most compatible with water signs, namely Cancer and Scorpio," she read aloud. "They are able to form deep emotional bonds while also balancing one another."

"Interesting," her mother mused. "But I'm guessing that 'zodiac sign' was not one of the questions on the roommate matching form."

The two shared a laugh before rising from the bench and walking toward the Granger Auditorium for the final orientation assembly.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Based on your outstanding academic achievements, Miss Larson," Dr. Carl Kelly said as he looked over Mary's transcript, "we are delighted to have you as our Top Mariner Scholarship recipient for the class of 2019."

"Thank you so much," Mary said on the verge of tears. "You have no idea how much this means to me. I am so incredibly honored." She softly smiled to the scholarship committee before grabbing a pack of tissues from her purse.

"A full-ride scholarship to one of the top public universities in the country is certainly an honor," Dr. Kelly said, smiling. "Your high school achievements both in and out of the classroom were like none we have seen here at Marean. We are sure that you will keep up this success as a full-time student here."

"Don't worry, Dr. Kelly," Mary softly said as she gently patted the tears from her cheeks. "I won't disappoint."

She shook the hands of each committee member before walking out of the conference room.  She felt like she was on cloud nine and that this day couldn't get any better. She just won a full ride to college, a scholarship that she desperately needed to be able to attend. She had to call the person that she loved most in the world.

"Charlie, guess what," Mary exclaimed to her long-time boyfriend. "I got the Top Mariner Scholarship!"

The McHilton elevator was filled with tears of joy and screams of glee.

Mary got off the elevator after hanging up with Charlie and began to rush toward Granger Auditorium.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm going to miss afternoons like this," Carla sighed as she wrapped her arm around Amy, pulling her close. "You are basically my daughter and I'm not ready to be an empty-nester yet. I'm too young and beautiful."

Amy laughed at her nanny's comment and patted her on the head. Amy was a full foot taller than Carla and refused to let her forget it.

"Now, now, my sweet Carla," Amy said as she wrapped her arm around her. "You know where to find me and you know that my parents will pay for you to come down here whenever you want."

"Or I can just live with you in your luxury dorm room with your new best friends," Carla said, looking up at her.

"It certainly won't be luxury and they won't be my best friends," Amy scoffed.

"Give the girls a chance, AA," Carla said. "They might be great. I've always wanted you to have a good group of girlfriends that you could depend on.  I never liked that you were homeschooled."

"I had my modeling friends."

"The key word is depend on," Carla said. "Those girls were out for blood and you know it.  Frankly, the only reason why they were nice to you is because of your mother."

Amy's mother was Amelia Winchester-Aiden, a supermodel turned wedding dress designer. Her line of Amelia Amore wedding dresses was a must-have by celebrities and jet-setting socialites. Her shows always included the top supermodels. To the models, Amy's friendship was a one-way ticket to fame and fortune.

Amy, however, was never too keen on letting people into to circle of trust. She mostly kept to herself and was seen as mysterious and aloof by all of the magazines and tabloids. Her blog, The Stylish Scorpio, along with her various social media accounts, was the only peek into her private world.

"I guess you're right," Amy said softly, remembering why she has always been seen as so standoffish.

"Oh no," Carla said, spinning the girl toward her. "I didn't mean to make you upset. Turn that frown upside down. This is a new start for you in a new place. Now let's get to this auditorium before they kick you out."

Amy chuckled and walked with Carla hand-in-hand toward Granger Auditorium.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good evening, parents and students of Marean University. My name is Dr. Benjamin Brand and I am incredibly lucky to be the president of this exceptional institution."

Dr. Brand was a tall man with a slender build. He was bald with pale, ashen skin. His grey suit hung loosely on his small frame. His red tie and charming smile stood out against the black stage.

He stood behind a mahogany podium that was adorned with the Marean University crest: a golden anchor against a teal background surrounded by a white rope. The school motto, "In mare fervens, spe." encircled the crest. In the raging sea, there is hope.

"While this is an exceptional institution," he continued, looking out into the audience with a confident smile, "there are more exceptional students. This university is home to scholars and athletes. Artists and engineers. The future leaders, teachers, and doctors of America will call this their Alma Mater. Your class, the class of 2019, has the highest average GPA and SAT scores than Marean has ever seen."

Everyone in the auditorium applauded at this statement, proud to call themselves a Mariner or the parent of one.

"You are already exceptional students," he said, beaming. "You chose to be a Mariner because you want more from life. Despite your hardships or difficulties, you have been able to rise to the occasion and prove yourself. If you have overcome the impossible, you are a Mariner. If you have shown what you are made of time and time again, you are a Mariner. If you have taken life by the horns and decided to make it extraordinary, you are a Mariner. If you have found hope in the raging sea, then you are a Mariner."

The crowd came to a roaring applause. Many stood from their seats and started chanting the school cheer.

"WHO'S GONNA WIN? WHO'S GONNA WIN? M-A-R-E-A-N! IT'S WHO WE ARE! IT'S WHO WE ARE! M-A-R-I-N-E-R!"

Dr. Brand joined the cheer before raising his hand to calm the crowd.

"On behalf of the entire administration, faculty, and student body, welcome to Marean."

The crowd once again rose to their feet and thunderously applauded with the school cheer being repeated over and over again. The fight song started playing over the loud speakers as teal and gold confetti was shot from cannons above the stage.

For Misty, this is what all of her dreams were made of. She wanted to go to Marean since she was a little girl. Both of her parents went to the university and being a Mariner was all that Misty wanted in life. She was excited to work on her art degree in what she considered to be the best place on earth. She looked around the large auditorium, taking in the sights and sounds of this display of Mariner pride. She looked at her mom who had tears forming in her eyes, tears of nostalgia and pride.

Mary also had tears of pride flowing down her cheeks. After the death of her parents when she was thirteen years old, going to college became her goal to make them proud. She lived with her grandmother in the nearby town of Moonridge, South Carolina. Marean was the place where she could pursue an elementary education degree while also taking care of her aging grandmother.  In that moment, she felt like her parents were smiling down on her. She did it. She got a full ride to the university of her dreams. She found hope in the raging sea. She clapped along with the fight song and put a piece of gold confetti in her purse so that she would remember this magical evening.

Amy remained seated on the back row. She was certainly excited about attending Marean, but she was disillusioned by the mass spectacle of school spirit.  She came to Marean to earn her degree in fashion merchandising. She was going to be the most famous fashion designer in the world. She knew she would. She had to prove to her parents that she was more than a pretty face, she was intelligent and determined and willing to work hard for what she wanted. This thought alone rose her to her feet and lead her to start cheering along with the crowd.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This story of Misty and her life-challenges, college, friends and family is very well written. Not that I'm any kind of "expert", but I looked for errors and didn't see any. One suggestion--it's very hard to get long works read on this site, so you might consider cutting this into smaller pieces.

[Carolina Brooks]

Thank you so much for your review! I will definitely consider your suggestion when posting my next chapters.

[emipoemi]

Length doesn't matter.....quality does. Yes it's hard to get long works read, but it's only because people don't have or don't want to put the time into reading all of it. But quality writing actually makes people want to read more.

[emipoemi]

This is a brilliant first chapter! I'm going to start with that. It really introduces the three protagonists well, and how everything is going to go from there. I especially enjoy the breaks and shifts in POVs....that's very well played out, especially how each one in away plays off from the end of the previous. Now this doesn't mean that some flaws aren't present. For starters, where are we? I understand the location to be Marean College and South Carolina, but where is it located exactly? Give us more detail, the first chance you get, so we get an understanding of the world we're in. If Misty has an accent, why doesn't her mother? Why was it necessary that her whole family come for orientation week? These are questions that a writer has to ask, because, though readers are smart, and are able to figure things out, it's necessary for the writer to paint the picture better so as not to confuse anyone....so the imagination can see everything. Write as a write, but read as a reader. Don't simply give a fleeting scan of the scene/scenario, make it real! For example: Mary's realization that Amy is present, is a little too quick (in the sense we're told who it is and how this person has affected her too quickly, for we know very little of Mary to make an emotional connection that she has encountered Amy at her school). Also, why doesn't Amy see her when she sees Misty in the next section, proving how perceptive she can be? Was Mary's outfit not alluring enough? Questions. Questions. Try to show more than tell. We don't need everybody's name unless they're going to be important characters. Misty's mother doesn't seem like an important character to be named unless she runs into an old college friend during the orientation week visit. Carla is quite more of a rounder character, and her name is good to know. Lastly, don't make the last three paragraphs linear. It would sound better as three separate moments (right now they kind of flow into each other.....better, so we maintain the fact that the three girls are still three separate entities). Third person omniscient can be dull at times, so you really need to spice it up with your craft. Also, minor note, no freshman would know the cheer this early in the game. And if it's all freshman in the auditorium, I'm not buying that they know how the cheer would go or be willing to start a chant of the cheer. There should be a couple of Junior or Senior welcome squads to lead the cheers or whatever.
So, in short, the story is brilliant! A great intro to the story. You only need to work a bit on the craft. Let us get to know the characters more (not everything....too early for that....but enough so that we can relate to them....so that we know they're real; like we're able to find them if we go to Marean College today). And ask questions. Put yourself in the shoes of the average reader, and ask yourself: "Does this factor make any sense?" If not, find a way to fix it. Questions, questions, questions. Write like a writer, but read like a reader. And listen to your characters. They'll help you write your story. Again, this is a good start! I much look forward to see where it all goes.

[Carolina Brooks]

I wish I could I found this review constructive more than just once!! Thank you so much for such a well-rounded and detailed review. I will definitely take all of your points into consideration when editing. I love the advice to “write like a writer, read like a reader”. Thank you thank you!!

[emipoemi]

you're very welcome. My pleasure.

[JamieDarke]

Samuel took the words right out of my mouth. I am prepared to review chapters of a novel but not when they so looooooooooong. Maybe post four or five paragraphs at a time. Just my opinion.

[Carolina Brooks]

Thank you for the review! I’m new to this site so any tips are extremely helpful. I have already uploaded 3 chapters, but I will break up my content more from now on. Thanks for giving it a read!