The Voice within

This is about a girl, who hears a voice in her head

         Luna was just a regular girl, who had everything going for her. She was popular and had everything going for her. Luna had worked for everything that she had.

One night, she came back to her apartment after hanging out with her friends, she was about to lay down then all of a sudden a voice came to her head. Luna was like this is really weird. The voice started talking to her.

Voice-Why are you in this small town?

Luna-What do you mean?

Voice-I mean why are still in this small town?

Luna-This is where all my friends and family are.

Voice-I see now. Don't you want to discover the world outside this crappy small town.

Luna-Don't call this town crappy. I have grown up here all my life and everything I even know is here.

Voice-The only time, you have left this small town is when you went to college. That is about it.

Luna-Yes, you are right. I have only know this small town and nothing else.

Voice-What are you going to do about it?

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think happens to Luna. The best response will be added to the story and have your name featured in it. Thanks :) :)

Reviews

[TheOne&Only]

Maybe then she starts to realize, that maybe its time to spread her wings and fly, nothing better then pushing yourself, Adversities do help growth, and answer curiosities. Im sure shes all about finding TRUTH, so what better way to do that then to listen to the little voice in her head. :)

[Justin]

thanks ;) :) :) a great way of thing of it :)

[Divya]

I feel that the voice will guide Luna to check out the world outside.Because living at a place for lifetime limits thoughts and possibilities of deciding aim of life.

[Sue]

I think Luma goes on a life fulfilling journey that gives her a clearer identity of who she is. Although it is stated that Luma has everything, I'm under the impression that Luma only have these things in her life because it is expected of her: To live a life everyone in her town deems acceptable but never really finding her own self exploration to see if this is the life she truly wants. I think Luma leaves town, travel to many different countries, and meet interesting people that share their life stories with her. This encourages Luma to move to a new town, start a new/less than tame job, and settles down with a partner.

[Jordan]

Let's break it down one piece at a time.

"Luna was just a regular girl, who had everything going for her. She was popular and had everything going for her. Luna had worked for everything that she had."
You repeated the phrase 'who had everything going for her' twice, separated the description of her into two sentences, and the third sentence just doesn't seem like it fits in the paragraph.

"One night, she came back to her apartment after hanging out with her friends, she was about to lay down then all of a sudden a voice came to her head. Luna was like this is really weird. The voice started talking to her."
Are you telling a story, or writing a text? You're either new to writing or young. Grammatical issues aside, here's what the paragraph should look like, "One night she came back to her apartment after hanging out with her friends. As she was about to lay down she heard a voice in her head. 'This is really weird,' Luna thought."

And your dialogue is very...lemme help.
"Why are you in this small town?" the voice asked her.
"What do you mean? This is where all of my friends and family are." Luna replied.
"Yeah, but don't you want to discover the outside world?"
"I can't leave. I grew up here, it's all I know."

I...I don't want to give 100% criticism. I'm trying to be constructive. But let me ask you this. What is the point of this story? And is that the end? Because you stopped mid-dialogue. It's not even a complete beginning.

I'm nice, I'd love to help, but I need more to work with. Assuming you're a younger writer or new to writing...come with me, and you'll see, a world of pure imagination! We'll begin with writin', travelling the world of your creations, what you'll write will defy, all explanation.

Willy Wonka jokes aside, help me help you.

[Justin]

the reason why there is no ending is because i want the reader to be in the characters shoes

[Jordan]

...that makes no sense whatsoever.

Are you justifying not finishing it by saying you wanted the reader to finish the story?

Or are you saying you wanted the reader to think about their own 'small town life'?

In either case that's a bad excuse.

In the case of the first, that just makes you seem like a bad writer.

In the case of the second, the reader is already in the character's shoes by reading. That's what happens when you read. You imagine everything going on, but there isn't enough here to imagine! There's no substance. It's just...grey goop.

Don't spray paint a pile of crap gold and try to pass it off as art. I understand the concept, but the execution failed. But don't give up. Take criticism no matter what. Use it to improve.

[Kierstyn]

I love the idea you have going on! I recently moved towns and understand the feeling of not wanting to leave your hometown, but I feel that the voice knows whats best for her. Sometimes its necessary to break away from your roots and comfort zone in order to go out there to discover the world and create amazing opportunities for yourself. :) The voice appears to me as her subconscious mind pushing her towards her fate, because whether she consciously knows it or not, deep down she knows there's more out there for her in this life. :)

[Elisa]

I LOVE the open ending. It leaves the reader to imagine what Luna will do. In a way, it makes the readers make the same choice through the character. So clever! Loved it!

[Shawna]

The voice is a telepathic being living in space, who is actually Luna's great-great-grandson. The voice is speaking through time and space to encourage Luna out of her small town onto the path of her destiny, which will spark the creation of a new generation of space travel and the voice's own birth. Lol...

[Heartful5160]

I believe that the little voice will try to persuade her to go out of the town and do something new!!! Hey, my friend you did a really great job.....I'm glad that you went with your idea!!! Great job and great work, just keep on writing and don't quite!!! Let that imagination go wild!!

[MandaBear]

I think Luna goes and discovers the world and the voice guides her around the world. Showing her things she never thought she would see. Throughout the journey maybe the voice can tell Luna about who she or he is and how they got to be the voice inside her head.