This emerald doesn't shine with envy

Courtney asks Jason to choose her over an evening he had planned with Charlotte, our protagonist knows that Jason had to make that choice, it's upsetting but she doesn't want him to apologise.

Dear Jason,

I can’t control the way I feel about you, each moment I look into your eyes, I feel my soul, pounding at my chest to kiss you. I cannot shake you off like any other guy. My heart breaks every time you answer Courtney’s texts when we’re together, I’ll be in my own world, laughing like you always make me do, I’ll feel 100% natural, happy and safe. Reality always hits though and she’ll message you something about her being annoyed with you, or ask you where you are and spoil my brief moment of heaven. I know it’s wrong for me to want you, it’s unfair on you for me to have such feelings. It’s unfair if I tell you and force you to make a choice, something you never made me do, because I know you had feelings for me last year, at least before you met Courtney in our second semester. I want to tell you how much I love you, but I don’t want to hurt you, or worse lose you.

Last night, I was so looking forward to going to the Rugby game with you in the park. I know you were excited to go together too, even though you said “we,” implying you and I would be going with the boys John and Harry too. Don’t think I don’t know your tricks to spend time with me, do you want to be alone together as much as I do? I wasn’t oh too surprised when you messaged me thirty minutes before the game, saying Courtney was on campus and had driven back from her hometown, an hour and a half away to see you. I don’t blame you for bailing on me. I would never talk to you the way she did in that screenshot of messages you sent to me, I would never emotionally blackmail you with lines such as “pity you’re going to the game” or “at least you have your priorities in line.” I know you think I’m mad with you for bailing on me, I’m not mad, I understand you have to pick her over me. If I was Courtney, I’d want you to pick me over your friend too. I might be more understanding or come along to the game too but that’s irrelevant, because I am not your girlfriend. I know I seemed short but I honestly didn’t know how else to make you go with her and not feel bad about standing me up to watch the game, I went regardless, alone I might add, but I still went. Realistically we wouldn’t have talked during the game anyway, so I only missed out on a five minute conversation. I did mean it when I said “you don’t have to be sorry for anything.” I would never want to put you in a situation where you had to choose between Courtney, mostly because I’d have too much to lose.

It did sting last night, and perhaps this is the moment that I have to accept that I must move on and forget you. I’m planning on breaking up with Nate this weekend and I don’t want to tell you, because I don’t want you to be involved. I hate this whole situation, I wish I could break my own heart and leave you completely behind me. I hate that I feel like this, hate that I’m hurting Nat, Courtney, you and myself all at the one time.  I want to say I’ll move on from you and forget I ever felt this way about you, but I don’t know if I will ever fully achieve that. I know I’ll always have feelings for you.

 

All my worthless love,

Charlotte

Author's Note

Please give me feedback, good or bad!

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

sometimes, worthless things are right than the worthy ones...
feelings are always the same, a person may forget the conversations and meetings, but feelings never ever die...they remain the same for which people often repent...
i like the way you write letters in realistic manner, i'll try it once too..
by the way thanks for the request,
i think the last second line should have 'that' in it - I want to say i'll move on from you and forget 'that' i ever felt this way....., well it's just a suggestion, but you should do as per your choice, i may be wrong...
no formalities between friends, so truth is always great, may be good or bad. sometimes my suggestions are wrong so don't mind...
thanks for the great work...

[charlottejacobs]

Thank you so much for this review! I love constructive advice and hope you will be able to give me more advice in the future, I don't believe anything is ever fully polished and I love hearing other people's opinions!

[barleygirl]

I hate to say this, but I'm already starting to dislike Charlotte. To me, she's not a genuine person. I'm reading her to be selfish & manipulative. Even tho she speaks of love, what I see is a person who wants to further her own agenda & really doesn't care who she hurts in the process. As for the writing, this again sounds like a gushing of run-on sentences & mixed up messages. This gives me the idea that Charlotte is impulsive, rather than considerate. She's not thinking before she writes. This reads more like a diary, where a person would show her ugly selfish side, rather than a love letter, where a person may try to come off looking good & hoping to seduce the guy away from his girlfriend. If these are the things you want to convey about her, then I'm reading your intention. If you want her to be the beloved heroine of this story, I'm not feeling it.

[Berrylyn T]

Touched my heart, really. It's so much heartbreaking to actually be in this situation. Touch wood, I've never been... haha. Anyways, you're a great writer. Loved it!

- Berrylyn :)

[charlottejacobs]

Thanks Berrylyn! I always appreciate feedback on my work. I'm glad that you felt Charlotte's heartbreak through the words. I hope to add another chapter next week.