Murdered

A life changing moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Murdered

Life’s sparkle buzzed, danced;

Her life absconded by gun,

Soul departed earth.

Reviews

[luciddreamer]

I use to be divided on the gun issue, being from the south you know. After many tragedies, unfortunately, I know longer am. It is an evil piece of metal with never a good intention....sorry I usually don't let things get to me ....Well Needed and great write :)

[Kat Plunkett]

Guns are useless.
I don't believe in War, Fighting, Drama, Violence, Etc.
But, if you were to fight.
Fight like a MAN.
Hiding behind a gun makes you look like a spineless coward.
Hiding behind ANY weapon (including fighting), in fact, makes you look like a spineless coward.
Violence solves nothing.
War may have stopped a few things in the past,
so did sit-ins, protests, boycotts, etc.
But, here's the thing.
We're still in war.
The things that boycotts, protests, and sit-ins ended, yes,
we still have few problems coming from that end..
But it will never amount to all of the lives lost in a never-ending
war that has yet to fulfill it's purpose..
Although, this might contradict myself a little bit, Guns don't kill people.
It's the person behind the gun who does it, but either way,
Guns shouldn't exist.
Neither should violence.

[Doug Ordunio]

Haiku (or senryu in this case) is so short, you must make every word count.
I'd get rid of the possessive in first line, so it is just "Life sparkle buzzed danced"
second line maybe "Her life stolen, absconded"
Third line (since we know that death is in the cards, why mention it?)
"Bullet--means of flight" think you need to plumb the depths of the subject a bit more. Still a nice job but it made me think...

[Goodbye]

Excellent, great observation on the ugly realities of guns.

[Liza]

the body's life killed...i wonder if the soul departs just as quickly...this left me wondering - thank you.

[Dream Weaver]

Such is life...

[Short.Nerd]

Intense!

[Mauricio Montoya]

whoa!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Wow. Pretty intense.

[Tina Kline]

Very realistic, very frightening and chilling. It made me think of what happened to my sister.