You called me Sweetheart

You called me sweetheart

As if I were a toy

A body

To kiss

To touch

As if I were a little girl

You were playing with

In the shadows

In the back of your mind

And that’s when I knew.

You told me you don’t understand me

And I pressed my hand to your heart and closed my eyes

Feeling your warmth, your arms tightly around my waist and I

Pretended that you would

Eventually

Understand

You swore you loved me in texts full of glitter and roses

And I knew then that you loved the idea of me

Again

You were again pretending and begging for love, to be wanted, to be adored

And it was not me

That you loved

And me…

 I loved you

For you

Because I knew

The truth

Of you

You were not a secret to me

And when you touched me

It touched my heart to the depths

Because

no one has ever loved me

as lovely as you loved me

with your tender soft lips

Deeply gently in the light of the room

caressing my skin

in the beginning of us

in the middle of us

but not in the end of us

when I was a body

a presence

to occupy your lonely moments

the in between times of your days

And I knew then

That it was only the moment of that kinda love

It would never last

And I knew

But my mind held on

To what I thought was you

How could we know the outcome of what we held onto so tightly

And let go

And grasped

And let go

And I swore to myself to live there, in the beautiful moments, and feel them tenderly for what they were

Love

It was love

And I wanted to be loved like that so badly

So very badly

And I pretended it was going to last

Forever

I planned my life with you

In my mind

With you

For what we wanted

so carelessly

Playing

in this world of lovers

without feeling sometimes

Evading and pretending

That passion was all we needed.

And we held lightly,

Again and again… letting go

And holding on

And letting go

Confronted countless days of agony

Tears

Painful ignorance of

Loving glorious free moments

And we let go

And then

Thought we had it right

And held on for

Forever…

In the end,

You wanted my every moment

And I gave you them all

But it wasn’t enough

And we let go

forever

You held me

Wishing for

Forever

I knew

That it was only for then

I knew

And I wanted

A forever

 

1/30/2011  9:00 pm