Tell Me Why it Hurts

It's a story about how a little girl finds out why her neighbor/baby-sitter never bothered entertaining her many suitors.

It was supposed to be a quiet Saturday for Eleanor Lee. She originally planned to do nothing until she had to leave for her dance class later that evening.

Unfortunately, at seven in the morning, when she was about to cook pancakes, the doorbell rang. Based on the constant ringing, Eleanor guessed that the person was pretty impatient.

Eleanor cheerfully walked to the door and opened it. On the other side of the door were her neighbor Katie and her daughter Hayley.

“Eleanor, is it okay if I leave Hayley here all day?” Katie hurriedly asked. “I have an interview and a drama shoot; I wasn’t allowed to bring Hayley along. Her dad’s not at home… being the useless man that he is.”

“Don’t say such things about Dad,” little Hayley protested, “He’s not useless, Mom!”  

Eleanor just stared as Katie hurriedly apologized again and again, while kissing the little girl goodbye.  

As Katie rushed down the stairs to make it to her job on time, Eleanor ushered Hayley into her apartment. The little girl was a permanent fixture at her house because Katie always left Hayley with her. Hayley was like the daughter she always wanted but never had.

“Auntie?” Hayley’s brown eyes stared at her. “Mom forgot to cook breakfast again, so I’m hungry. Have you eaten yet?”  

“I was about to cook strawberry pancakes.” Eleanor replied. “What kind do you like?” she asked, as she took the girl’s hand and lead her to the kitchen.

“I want chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries on top, Auntie… Is that okay?” Hayley requested.

X

Hayley looked at her Auntie Eleanor as they made both chocolate chip and strawberry pancakes. Sometimes, Auntie was more of a mother than her real mom, who always left her because of work.

Her mom was an actress so she was always busy with interviews with scary reporters or shooting for another drama, working with different men who weren’t her dad.

Meanwhile, her dad was a dance instructor who taught some of Korea’s top performers, but he always made it a point to bring her and teach her dancing whenever he could. Hayley loved her mom, but she couldn’t help but love her dad more.

Ever since her mom and dad started fighting last year, her mom always left her with her godmother, Auntie Eleanor who lived two doors away from them. She didn’t mind; she loved staying at Aunt Eleanor’s place anyway. Auntie Eleanor would try to teach her how to dance while she would perform the dances she learned in ballet class. She always had fun at Aunt Eleanor’s, so she couldn’t complain whenever her mom left her there.

“Do you need any help, Auntie?” she asked when she saw her auntie bending low to reach for a necklace that fell off her neck.

Without Eleanor saying anything, Hayley rushed to pick up the necklace. The little girl saw that it was the sapphire fish necklace her aunt loved. She waited for Auntie Eleanor to finish cooking their breakfast before she returned the necklace.

While they ate breakfast, Hayley told her Auntie about the latest misadventure she got into with her friends Andrea and Cara when they searched their ballet school for a pirate’s map, which turned out to be their teacher’s notes for the older dancers.

The two of them laughed some more before they finished their breakfast. Hayley heard the doorbell ring, so she answered the door while her Auntie cleaned the dishes. She saw no one on the front door, but there was a huge bouquet of red roses with Auntie Eleanor’s name on the card and a white teddy bear as tall as she was on the doorsteps. The bouquet was so huge that it could barely fit her short, thin arms as she carried it inside. She then came back for the teddy bear, which she dragged into the house with her.

“Who was it, Hay?” Eleanor called out from the kitchen, using the nickname she gave the little girl.

“Nobody,” Hayley answered, “but someone left flowers and a really big teddy bear for you, Auntie. Can I have the teddy, please, Auntie?!”

Hayley cuddled the huge teddy bear and played with it as she waited for her auntie to come out and see the gifts. She didn’t bother with the flowers because she couldn’t read the card and she had no use for them anyway.

Eleanor finally came out of the kitchen and read the card attached to the flowers and held back a sob before she threw the card and bouquet in the nearest trash can.

“Why are you sad, Auntie? Who were they from? Is it that Matthew guy who likes you?” Hayley asked, referring to the chef who worked at the restaurant across Eleanor’s dance studio. Everyone in the district knew he found Eleanor attractive.

“No, it’s not.” Eleanor laughed. “It’s from nobody important. He gave it to me because it’s my birthday tomorrow, remember?” she added.

“Ooooh! Are we still going to watch that street dance battle you promised you’d take me to?” Hayley asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.     

“Of course, kid, as long as it’s okay with your parents.”

Hayley’s smile grew even wider when she heard this, but when she saw the flowers, chocolates, and gifts that were scattered around her aunt’s living room, the smile disappeared and a curious frown replaced it.

“Auntie… why don’t you like any of the boys who give you gifts?”

“They all hope that I would fall in love with any of them, but…” Eleanor trailed off, “I just can’t…”

“You never know until you try, Auntie!” Hayley said.

“I was in love… once…” Eleanor answered, “so I know how it feels. I just don’t feel it with any of these boys.”

“Oooh! Tell me about him, Auntie.” Hayley requested. “I want to know who my Auntie’s ideal man is. Maybe I can look for him so that you will be happy again!”

X

Eleanor stared at the little girl who was practically offering to play matchmaker for her. She had second thoughts whether she wanted to share her first and only love story. She looked at the little girl’s pleading puppy eyes and sighed. Maybe if she told someone, she could finally get rid of all that was inside.

“What do you mean happy again?” she challenged her goddaughter. “I’m perfectly happy with you, thanks very much!”

“You’re always sad when you see my mom and dad together. And when Aunt Mina and Uncle Marcus come over to see you, you always look like you want to cry.” Hayley explained, offering the huge teddy bear to her.

“What?” Eleanor gasped. “I’m not sad. I’m just lonely…”

“I want my favorite Auntie Eleanor to get married and give me lots of playmates,” Hayley explained, “Mom and Dad said that they can’t give me another sibling because they can’t spend time together.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“I want to know everything about your first love, Auntie! I will find him and bring him to you!” Hayley firmly demanded. “Where is he? Why isn’t he here?”

“It’s going to be a long story, so sit back and relax.” Eleanor said as she settled herself on the couch beside Hayley.

X

It was raining in Seoul City when there was nobody standing on the Banpo Bridge except for two people. The boy was on his knees, embracing the girl’s legs as the tears flowed freely from his eyes.

“Damn it, El.” Dylan begged, “Don’t do this to me… to us…”

“I’m sorry, Dylan.” She sadly replied, using his real name, not the nickname she always used. “It’s for the best. Your mother would prefer it better this way.”

“But my dad told me to follow my heart and my heart points to you!” Dylan cried.

Eleanor struggled to get out of her boyfriend " ex-boyfriend’s grip. “Listen. The heart isn’t always right. There are principles and morals that guide us to stop us from doing something stupid.”

Dylan’s next words almost broke Eleanor’s resolve to leave. “If morals point us to the right direction, why do I feel like I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life if I let you go?”

Eleanor stared at Dylan with tear-stained eyes. She was thankful for the rain, otherwise Dylan would have successfully stopped her from fulfilling her mission. She knew it was going to be complicated, but she never expected that breaking up with the boy she had loved from the moment he walked into her life 10 years ago would hurt this much.

She would never admit it, but every word she said to Dylan cut her heart like a knife. As much as it killed her, she knew she had to leave him… It was for the best…

Dylan stood up and embraced her tightly, as though challenging her to break free. His embrace had always been heaven to Eleanor, and it killed her to push him away and slap him.

“Don’t touch me!” she screamed.

“El…” he whispered. “Why?”

Eleanor and Dylan had been a couple ever since their senior year in college, and they had been friends ever since their freshman year in high school, when Dylan moved to their school from Mokpo. They were the couple people envied because of the way they always made time for each other, despite the busy schedules. They were always so happy together, and people were surprised that they weren’t married yet.

Eleanor actually hoped to marry Dylan someday; however Dylan’s mother wanted him to marry somebody else. No matter how much both Dylan and his father preferred Eleanor, she simply did not fit into the “elite lifestyle” Dylan’s mother demanded of her.

Dylan always suggested that they run away with his father’s blessing, but then his father died three months ago. The last person who supported their love was gone, and something even more unexpected happened. The girl Dylan’s mother preferred forced herself on him and things just went downhill for Eleanor there.

She tried fighting for Dylan, but she ended up in jail several times on false charges made by Dylan’s mother. Even her best friends Mina and Renee, along with their boyfriends Marcus and Jason lost their jobs the moment Dylan’s mother gave the word.

Eleanor knew she was the cause of her friends’ suffering; her love for Dylan was the cause of this mess. Dylan was powerless to stop his mother. In fact, he had ended up in jail a couple of times when he challenged her whims. It took his friends’ money just to bail him and Eleanor every time they ended up in there. No matter how much Leanne and Jordan would assure them that it’s okay, Eleanor felt like a burden to the kind couple.

She knew the only way to end everyone else’s suffering was to leave Dylan, no matter how much it killed her.

“Take this back…” she whispered, slipping something into Dylan’s cold hands. “I don’t need it anymore.”

Dylan opened his hand and saw that it was the sapphire fish necklace he gave her for their first anniversary.

“Keep it.” He said forcing it back into her hands. “Taking it back means that I’m taking my heart back and I’m not doing that. You may be crushing my heart into pieces, but I want you to be the only one to hold it and keep it.”

“Dylan…” Eleanor whispered, her resolve crumbling even more. She just wanted to turn back time and go back to those happy days when they didn’t have to worry about any of this… She wanted to cry into his arms and listen to his soothing voice, telling her that everything will be okay.

“If you think leaving is the best way, then do it, El.” Dylan croaked, his voice getting hoarser with every word. “Just promise me that you’ll come back to me someday…”

“If we’re meant to be, maybe we’ll find our place in this world someday.” Eleanor sobbed. As she was about to run, Dylan grabbed her wrist and kissed her. The kiss conveyed lots of feelings at once: desperation, pleading, need, passion, and love.

Eleanor never wanted to leave, but she knew she had to do it before her determination was completely lost. She gave Dylan one last gentle peck on the lips before she ran away from his life… forever.

Even though she did not say it out loud, she knew Dylan understood what she wanted to say.

“I love you… I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

X

“Why did you leave him, Auntie?” Hayley demanded, wiping the tears that formed in her eyes. “Was he bad?”

“No, Hayley,” Eleanor replied, “he was the most perfect man in the world. He was sweet, funny, loving, and very handsome. It’s just that… well you wouldn’t understand.”

“I think you still love him.” Hayley concluded. “So why aren’t you going after him, like the princesses do in fairytales?”

“Life is a lot more than fairytales, Hay.” Eleanor sighed. “That man was the perfect prince charming " “

“And you were the princess!”

“No, I wasn’t his princess. That title was meant for someone else.”

“Do you still love him, Auntie?”

Eleanor wasn’t ready to tell Hayley anything yet. The little girl was too young to understand the mysteries and pains of love, but she knew she had to get it out of her system.

“Yes, and that’s why it hurts.”

“Make it stop hurting then!” Hayley demanded. “Go after that man and tell him you love him! Like what Ariel did!”

“I " I can’t Hayley…” Eleanor whispered. “Excuse me, I just have to go inside and clean up.”

Eleanor excused herself from the room and went inside her bedroom. Hayley followed her auntie until the she saw a closed door. She put her ear against the door and heard her auntie crying. As much as Hayley wanted to hug her and apologize for making her cry, she knew her Auntie Eleanor preferred to cry alone.

Instead, she went to investigate the roses in the trash can. These roses made her auntie want to cry when she would just laugh before putting them in a vase. She reached for the card attached to the perfect bouquet in the trash can.

Hey Monkey!

Happy birthday… Uh…I’m not in Korea right now, so I have no idea when this arrives. If this comes early, then advanced happy birthday. If it’s late, then belated happy birthday. How is my heart? Do you still have it? I just want you to know that I haven’t forgotten... El, give me one more chance, please? I still love you and that has never changed. Please, say you love me again… I want to see you smile again and I want to be the one to make you smile. I can’t say everything I want to unless it falls into the wrong hands… I love you. There I said, rather wrote it. I love you, always have; always will. If only I could take you in my arms and kiss you just once more…

Love always,

Fishy

It was a hastily written note, with a fish drawing near the signature. Hayley frowned at the note several times. Who on earth would call himself “Fish”? What a weird lover her auntie had… Hayley looked at her auntie’s bedroom door and the note again, and paid attention to the fish drawing… It looked disturbingly familiar… almost as though it was drawn by...

“Dad?” 

Author's Note

Okay, this is the original fiction version of the EunHae fanfiction I posted at my LJ. It's mine! I didn't steal this from mara_ciro because I AM mara_ciro... This was prompted by Nikki Gil's "Gotta Go My Own Way"... I hope this doesn't happen to anyone...