Scared Numb

I'm so scared to see you again

Scared to fall back into place in your vision

That all the indecision will melt away and leave nothing but the love

That I still feel for you regardless

Afraid that with just one smile, one touch

I'll forgive all the s**t that you've put me through and give in

Just like always

 

I'm terrified that I'll go on with this and in the end

I'll realize that I should have gotten out before I was too far gone

Before you tore me down too far

Before you stripped me of my will to break the surface

Before I loved you too much to let go

 

You told me you still loved me and apoligized

For leaving me as if that would make it okay

As if that would make up for the countless tears and the lack of sleep

And then you asked me to marry you

I let you know then that I don't have an answer for you anymore

I did at one point when I thought you'd be around, by my side

 

Now I'm comfortably numb

Just awaiting what comes next but on my terms

You didn't believe when I said I'd break it off but I did

Now apologies don't mean a thing and you're tears seem empty

Without meaning

I cannot wait for you, I won't

 

I love you still but you've cut too deep

There is no healing no going back

Maybe if you make it back alive things will be different

I might realize i should be with you and we'll pick up where we left off

Or you could come back and find me married with kids

The future is bleak and uncertain for me now

Whatever will come will, but on my terms not yours anymore

 

That is if I can stay strong and away from you long enough to bandage the wounds

Close up the gaping hole in my heart

Let the pain and betrayal simmer and sear

Burn into the dark corners of my mind what you've put me through

So I won't go back, so I won't be so weak

So I resist your kisses, your touch and your penetrating eyes

 

I'm scared that at this point, letting you go is impossible but i'm still gonna try.