to a girl's heart

hey you

yeah you

don't try to look me in the eye

 

hey you,

yeah you.

don't even notice that i try

 

so here i am,

a lonely soul,

moving through this world with just one goal

 

to be me,

to be free

to be anything i want to be

 

to be heard,

without words,

to be the best that's ever been

 

to be the one,

who tries so hard,

to capture, that one girl's heart.

 

hey you,

after school

you don't notice

i exist

 

hey you,

yeah you

you make me feel like such a special fool

 

hey you...

you make me...

 

you make me me,

you make me free,

you make me anything i want to be

 

you make me heard,

without words,

you make me the best that's ever been

 

but most of all,

most of all...

you're the one that tries so hard,

to capture my heart.

Author's Note

er... i know it's lengthy, but i had a tune going in my head when i wrote this, hope you don't mind.

Reviews

[topsyturvy]

It's kinda cute =o Though it reminded me a bit of Avril's song "Girlfriend" that's what kinda made it cute for me lol xD Don't get me wrong tho, it's a nice piece of work :)

[indieRokker]

That's a sweet poem, not lengthy at all. It's just right, trying to put in my own tune doesn't work, but it still fows well.

Keep writing, always
indie♥

[Papercuts.Hate.You.Too]

i really like this one:)
its so sweet and so true
great write!
-Luv Brooke Madison

[Laura Yida <3]

this is really good! i totally agrre w/ you! lol

[aedaba]

Yeah dude length of it is fineee!! Its soo good!! It gives me this certain feeling when I read it...niice job

[Senseless whatever]

The length of this is just fine. You convey your thoughts and feelings very well here. Short choppy is perfect for this piece. Keep it up!

[WriterSki7]

I cannot assertain the tune you had when writing this. Perhaps an electronic metromone should be provided. In any case, this poem was unique. It is freestyle, with a rather interesting sense of rhyme (or moreso rhythm). So far, so good.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is very good. I like the flow and the story. I like the part of being free and being left alone to have own goals and dreams. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Holly]

young love?

[Haifa]

Nice poem, I like it. It seems as a teen poem, you did a good job.
Also, if you add more things in this poem it could be as lyrics I guess.
Well done.