Chapter 1 - Pen and paper.

I don’t really have a title for this story. It’s not just a story, it’s my life. I really like the fact that there’s the pen and paper with you, no matter what life gives you. They’re the only things, though inanimate, that stay with you. Always. Lovely, isn’t it?

The pen and paper have always been a part of my life. Not just as writing stories and poems but also as scientific assignments and mathematical calculations. I absolutely loved them and love them to this date. Maths was something that I loved more than anything else. I would rather spend time with Mathematics than with my friends. The beauty of expressing numbers as functions and plotting them on graphs really made me appreciate almost everything. This was the time when I was a junior. I was a girl who loved science. Not biology though. I loved more of the ‘technical’ side of the science. It satisfied the thirst of curiosity in me. There was another girl just like me. Michelle.

Michelle and I met in something called “coaching classes”. A test prep class, kind of. We were preparing for the prestigious engineering colleges in our country. Of course, it was tough. It was meant to be one of the toughest exams in the whole world. With not many girls succeeding or even taking part in this field, it was disappointing. Our class was however different and I assure you that ours was the only class which was different. The number of girls exceeded the number of boys studying in our class. Well, that was encouraging. But just in our class. In all the other classes, girls would end up being hardly 10% of the total strength. I don’t know how or why our class ended up being different but that doesn’t matter in any ways.

First day of the coaching class was scary. I didn’t know anyone at the time. IT WAS MEANT TO BE THE TOUGHEST EXAM WHAT DO YOU EVEN EXPECT?

I turned up 5 minutes late, for which I didn’t get any of the first seats. Our benches were long and could accommodate 4 people. I tried to search for a seat in the whole classroom and couldn’t find one. Someone called my name. I tried to find who was it.

"Stephanie! Come over here!"

Well, that was Pauline. And Portia. They were my school mates. Once upon a time, Portia and I used to be best friends. In 7th grade, 3 years ago. I noticed that there were already 4 girls sitting on the bench. I hesitated first but then thought it was better to at least go over there and talk to them.

"Why don’t you sit with us?"

Asked Pauline. I was quite surprised because she was kind. PAULINE TALKED TO ME NICELY. I couldn’t believe it. She was one heck of those pretty popular girls whose intention were guys and guys. Correction. POPULAR GUYS. She was smart too as she never let her grades fall. She was generally mean and kind. Ironical. But it would all depend on her mood.

"Well..it would be clumsy."

Awkward, I was.

"Doesn’t matter, we’ll adjust."

"Yeah but-"

Our mathematics sir entered our class so I was forced to sit with those 4 girls. Our sir started teaching us trigonometry. And I enjoyed it. A lot. After a few minutes, Portia whispered to me.

"It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it?"

"Well, the bench is made for 4 people. 5 people on one bench will make everyone uncomfortable."

"Then why don’t you sit with that guy, please?"

That guy. THAT GUY. I knew THAT GUY. And no, I can’t sit with him, just no.

"Nah, we’re good? It’s just an hour class."

"Are you afraid of guys, Steph?"

I honestly wasn’t ‘afraid’ of guys. But that guy was Andrew. I knew him.

"Come on, Steph, go over there, please?"

"No, please?"

Well, Portia was quite annoyed by my answer but I didn’t want to sit with Andrew.

"Fine."

Said the annoyed Portia.

Andrew was my very first crush in 5th grade. We were kids at the time, of course. But the rumour of me having a crush on him took 4 years to revolve and it still did. I didn’t want to think I’m this girl desperate for his attention..it was just awkward, in short. And I honestly didn’t want his attention. I fell in love with another guy, 2 years ago. His name was Steven. But, well everything was awkward in my life.

I glanced at Andrew. Of course, he was beautiful. He was intelligent too. But I didn’t bother about anything else but a glance. And he probably thinks I’m just another desperate girl so I won’t look at him anymore.