Chapter 2: Hawkeye

Will Hunter finds that he has stumbled into something that is much bigger than the job he was hired for. He finds out a secret that might very well mean his life.

Silence fell in the woods as Will looked around him, making sure that no more enemies were near. "Well I hope I never have to do that again." What were Dark Elves doing here? They never come this far from the Black Lands.

He was exhausted and he couldn't stop shaking. I am not use to this. This is not like the fights I am use to. He had been in very few fights for his life and all of them had been against men. He was retrieving his knives and all of his arrows that were reusable, when he suddenly sensed that he was no longer alone. Maybe whoever it is, is scared of the dead bodies of the Dark Elves which were lying all over the place. That along with all the blood that covered everything would scare a lot of people not use to seeing such things. Will thought. Out loud he said, "Come on out. Don't worry the Dark Elves are all dead."

The man who stepped out onto the trail looked if anything more dangerous that the Dark Elves had. A chill went down Will's spine as he took in the stranger. Wearing a thick black woolen cloak that was out of place considering that it wasn't the dead of winter. Tall and mysterious, the stranger had the air of a man who was used to battle. He seemed at home among all the dead bodies lying all around him. Will's attention was drawn to the sword in the stranger's hand and not liking the situation that he was in, he discreetly drew one of his knives making sure to keep it hidden.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

The stranger locked eyes with Will and for the first time he got a good look at the man's features. The man had brown hair, sharp features, and cold golden eyes. The stranger laughed and Will felt another shiver go down his spine. Then the man said, "I have to give you credit on a job well done." He gestured to the dead Elves his eyes never leaving Will.

Will shrugged modestly, "I was just doing my job."

As he watched the stranger walk slowly toward him, he suddenly remembered that according to survivors and his own investigating there had been eight raiders. Doing a quick discrete count he only counted seven bodies. I am in trouble.

The stranger smiled as he saw the look on Will's face as he realized that he man in front of him was one of the raiders.

"I see you are starting to figure out who I am."

"You are one of the raiders aren't you?"

"Yeah and much more. My name is Hawkeye. Maybe you have heard of me?" Will paled and beads of sweat began to collect on his forehead.

"You are one of the Great One's top commanders." Will said.

The Great One was a sorcerer and warrior who had been beaten in the Great War when the humans and the Elves of the Light had banned together and defeated him almost a century ago. His commanders were thought to have been killed in the final battle in which the Great One was defeated. Will had heard rumors that the Great One was massing his forces for another attempt to take over the world. He had hoped that they were just rumors. Now he knew they weren't.

I have to get out of here. I am no match for him. I barely beat the Elves and that was more due to luck and surprise than skill. I have to let everyone know that Hawkeye is here. Will was carefully looking around him for an way to escape. Hawkeye's one of The Great One's best swordsman. No one has ever gone against him one on one and lived.

"You know I am going to have to kill you now don't you? I can't have you running off and telling everyone that not only am I alive but I am here and now all alone." Hawkeye commented.

He is talking as if taking my life means no more to him than squashing a bug! Will was so preoccupied with trying to come up with a way to escape that he almost didn't see Hawkeye charge. Reacting instinctively Will threw his knife at Hawkeye. Hawkeye's eyes widened in surprise but his sword flicked up with the spreed of a cat and knocked the knife out of the air. Will couldn't believe his eyes. No one is that fast! Will frantically drew his sword and slashed at Hawkeye and hit nothing but air as Hawkeye ducked under the swing. As he rose Hawkeye slashed upward at Will. Still off balance from the missed swing Will could only dive out of the way. Hawkeye was still able to give Will a gash that ran from his wrist to his elbow. Will dropped his sword, cradling his arm as the burning agony shot through him and the blood flowed down his arm.

Realizing that he was going to die if he just stood there Will fought through the pain and dove for his sword. Hawkeye waited until Will had his sword in his hand before he attacked. He had deliberately aimed for my off hand! He wanted me to suffer! It took everything Will had to block Hawkeye's attacks. Hawkeye's sword was a blur as he pressed the attack. He is just toying with me. I can't take much more of this! His arms were not use to this kind of activity and were quickly tiring. He was also losing a lot of blood.

Hawkeye sneered, "This is the best you can do? You will never beat me if this is the best you can do." Well I am bored. I might as well end this. I got a lot of ground to cover today. Hawkeye thought.

Will growled and flung Hawkeye back then lunged at him trying to run his blade through Hawkeye's heart while Hawkeye was still slightly off balance from a missed attack but misjudged the distance. Hawkeye spun away from Will's clumsy attack and retaliated with a slash of his own as Will stumbled past him. The slash opened up a long and deep cut on Will's thigh and dropped him to one knee. Hawkeye then with a flick of his wrist cut Will's back open from his wounded thigh to the opposite shoulder. Will screamed as his back erupted with pain and he fell to the ground.

"That was pathetic." Hawkeye shook his head and raised his sword. "Oh well. Guess it's time to end this."

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy reading this. I will see how this one is taken and go from there so the more reviews I get the better. Italics are for thought. I got rid of a few things that didn't really need to be there and hopefully improved the chapter.

Reviews

[S. von Glaubitz]

Another action-packed chapter!

Here are my questions as a curious reader. They should help give you things to think about as you develop your story:

Is this the first time Will has encountered Dark Elves, or just that many? Has he had to fight them before? How much contact to Dark Elves usually have with humans?

Similarly, is this an unusual assignment for Will? Who hired him, the villagers being raided or someone else? Of course, you may plan to reveal these things later.

You give some background about the Great One, but is there any background about Hawkeye himself? Does he have a reputation, allowing Will to recall some specific tales?

All in the name of world-building, which is seriously so much fun!

There’s a lot to learn as a new writer, but don’t give up. Here’s some general advice/things to look for/think about:

Watch for cliché: “Come on out whoever you are” reminds me of hide-and-seek. Also watch for anachronisms: “Yeah.” The dialogue should reflect the broader setting.

Here’s an example of a way you could weave description into the narrative: “The stranger locked his cold, golden eyes on Will.”

Why is Will so willing to explain everything to this frightening stranger? Is he intimidated? How does this reflect on his character?

It’s always a trick figuring out when to reveal information. I feel like I could have used the explanation of being hired to stop the Dark Elves from raiding in the previous chapter. You may have reasons for withholding that information, though, or perhaps speaking to Hawkeye is a good opportunity to put it in the narrative. Just make sure you have a purpose in all the choices you make.

It was jarring to me when the narrative switched to Hawkeye’s perspective and thoughts. Is this something you plan to continue doing? It’s fine if you do, and could set up an interesting play between protagonist and antagonist, but again, it’s all about making choices.

Yay for first drafts and practice, practice, practice!

[Redwarrior123]

I will address those issues as soon as possible. Thanks you for bringing it to my attention. I did not think of those questions when I wrote it.

[Redwarrior123]

I will try to switch perspectives in a fight so that you get a better feel for the fight and the fighters mentality.

[Redwarrior123]

I have improved the chapter with your comments so please let me know how I did.

[yuriko]

Great action and suspense in this chapter! Great work on the description on the fight scene it kinda reminds of another heroes fight. There are a few spelling errors here and there but that can be fixed. I don't have any other problems with this chapter. Can't wait what happens with Will. And I think the story is suitable for teens. And don't worry about the names right now just keep on writing!

[Redwarrior123]

Thanks for the review I will complete the third chapter and I hope you will comment on it as well.

[yuriko]

Sure I will

[Redwarrior123]

Made a few errors but those are easily fixed. I do need some more reviews so that I know how I am doing so please feel free to comment both negative and positive I can take it.