Your Smile

For everyone that give us a wonderful smile that give a joy to any person's heart

Your smile incites all our
Thoughts to be relaxed within your sight
Troubles to be melted in your path,
Senses to be mesmerized in your eyes
Issues to be solved upon your ways,
Feelings to be excited by your voice
Worries to be dissolved into your waves.

Your smile helps us to
Follow our passion of discovery
Seek our desire in priceless treasury,
Read our books in the library
Improve our skills in major literary
Expand our essay to a well-read story
Find our love poetry.

Your smile changes our
Loneliness to togetherness
Darkness to lightness,
Ruthlessness to forgiveness
Sadness to happiness,
Weaknesses to strengths
Illness to healthiness,
Weariness to willingness
Awkwardness to smoothness,

Selfishness to selflessness.

Your smile allows us to
Immediately take a while to rest
Efficiently do our very best,
Confidently stand on our two feet
Brightly achieve any tough feat
Bravely face our given fate,
Spontaneously increase our personal faith
Repeatedly seeing you with bated breath,
Patiently learn the longing of wait
Modestly have will power extremely great,

Definitely forget our last defeat
Truly have sensation we never felt
Completely succeed all our tests
Absolutely deserve all our gifts.

Abderrahmane Dakir

Reviews

[thewholesoul]

powerful poem, she must be really important in your life. i wish my wife smiled like that! i would echoe some of the comments already made, you could chisel down the quantity of statements to get the best ones . stay well

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I enjoyed the read. I'd like to say that if you show the reader rather than tell the reader...let the reader experience rather than tell them what to experience your writing here would be much more powerful. Tell me why...how...when...not only what. "Darkness to lightness" Which should be "light" incidentally...
Instead....why not.., Like the sun after the night...you become the dawn.....hope this helps. WHY? Because you smile. Let your reader complete the thought. You need only mention the original thought once.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[~EO]

i do have to agree with laury hitch, while all you said was beautiful, and worded well; i think that poetry has its spark because it is open to interpretation. I like the idea you had and how positive it is (cause lets face it, poetry is the written blues) but personally i think it was too straight forward.

But my forte in metaphors and abstract concepts so that statement might be biased.

All in all i think you did a very good job, it just needs a little sanding around the edges.
Take everything with a grain of salt and dont let anyone persuade you from what you want.
:D

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[The Poet of Black Wings]

You have a good something here, but for what you're saying in it, it's far too long. everything past the first bit is unnecessary and it takes away the, say, sweetness of it. I do imagine it'd be far better if you replaced everything past the first stanza with more sensory. Maybe say directly your feelings. Use yourself and make it personal.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Seth Armstrong]

This is really good! I do think that the amount of statements in the poem are a little overwhelming, though. Or, maybe, it would simply benefit from being conveyed with more imagery, as Jack suggested. All in all, though, this is a really good poem, and I really like the happiness conveyed. Good job!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Seth Armstrong]

You're welcome!

[Corina Jean]

Very nice poem. It really showed how you feel about this particular smile. I feel, however, that all of the "this to that" statements are a little much, and almost give a bump to the smooth flow of the poem.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Shae]

This is truly quite lovely.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Andrea Flores]

I like the repetition in the stanzas, but I would suggest you make it a little more simple. I agree with Jack - limit the statements. Turn them In to something I can picture.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[KanaDream]

This is a very beautiful poem about what a single smile can bring. I like all the changes that a smile can bring. Nicely done. ^^ Keep Dreaming.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.