Shower

I think a lot in the shower, and this is what it feels like.

Wet hair pulls the secrets

Translucent, silver spider strings, 

Away from the nape of my neck

Leaving the ideas nuzzled

In the indents between

The disks in my pale back

Like the crevice of a peach, 

Spring blushing and bruised

Just like me: pink cheeks. 

Purple, blue, yellow, brown marks

Leaking poached ideas

Into the recesses of my body

Between my collarbone and neck, 

Hip bone and stomach. 

Scrubbed pink and exposed

Like the tender skin of a scar

Akin to the taste of your tongue, waiting

To feel clean. Water droplets

Wick away from my body

Like a waxy candle, sticking, 

Burning and repelling. Naked

Knees pull into my chest

As my hair dries over the nape

Of my neck. Secrets exit here,

A flood away from my hair, 

But now they're just a trickle. 

Trickle. 

Trickle. 

Trickle. 

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad. A little too wordy, I think - use the good imagery for the important points and string them together with simplicity and lucidity, otherwise things look like a mess. I like the ending but I don't think 'trickle' is the right word - 'drip', maybe. Good work.

[Dana Alsamsam]

yes- the wordiness exists with a purpose. i shall explain: it's meant to represent the amount and pace at which my mind thinks in situations like a shower. i overused to words and made it slightly messy to show the state of my imagination. guess it didn't come off the right way, but i'll keep your thoughts in consideration! thanks for reading!

[sparkle]

what a great piece of writing , very nice dandoneh :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you!

[The Chosen Poet]

The picture you just painted in my mind :P Wonderful. Great Piece !

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for your kind words!

[xxlheart]

what an amazingly sensual write. like a beautiful painting...lovely

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for these kind words!

[Archangel Gabriel]

A beautifull flowing and fluid write with lovely description and pace. I could imaging the picture so vividly and the shower (or) the bath is a great place to think!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i almost think way too much in the shower!