I. Wisconsin Dells

I am starting a collection called "World Vision" where I write an address poem to every place that I've traveled. It may be uneventful, but i'm starting here at the beginning with the wisconsin dells

I watched

As your glamour faded

With each drop

Of the giant water bucket, 

And your wonder

Lessened to a trickle. 

There are some great pictures

In attic cardboard boxes

That weigh more

Than your spiderweb memories

In my attic brain. 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I think you really have something here with this project; stick with it! This poem is so compact and focused, its probably my favorite from you so far. I like the idea of the fading glamour and then how you convey how it bled away with the water metaphor. And you back it up with that second half so well. The last five lines are my favorite. I think they are totally brilliant. You bring a great visual to how we store things in our minds and what goes where.

[Dana Alsamsam]

i have this downfall where i never think that my short poems are very good, so thank you very much for this review! it's one of those sad things that happens when we get older- things that once made us the most gleeful being just don't really matter. thank you again. your words mean a lot!

[Clockwork]

I know what you mean about how things change when we get older. As for your short poems, stick with them and see what happens. Its sort of like packing all that poetic goodness you have into a very powerful little package. You've got the skill for it, I think :-)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you :)

[Clockwork]

You're welcome :-)

[Astro]

I like the way you show how something new and exciting can change quickly to something dull and unappealing. Good short poem.

[Archangel Gabriel]

I spent some time in Madison and loved Wisconsin. Lovely well constructed poem and I love the theme.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much!

[kublakhan27]

When I first read this one, I thought it had the feel of two stanzas, with the first part lamenting the lost beauty of the area, and the second part a kind of resignation in light of memories quashed by time's cruelty, but then I read it again and I the impression it gave me was a feeling of constant and unforgiving change, the endless cycles of nature and the universe in general...the dark side of evolution is on full display here...love the spiderweb/attic analogy...great work, looking forward to reading the rest :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

ah i'm glad you took the time to read over it twice! both of your observations are accurate...it's the sad fact that we change as we age and no longer enjoy things as we did before yet this inevitable change is the only constant! thank you so much for your in depth read and review. i hope you'll follow me on my worldly journey!

[kublakhan27]

It's a carousel, no doubt about that, especially when one has mood issues...you can bet on me following along :)

[Tomahawk Joe]

It paints a great picture of someone slowly forgotten, despite the lingering reminders. And the ending sort of spins off into an unexpected direction.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

been there and saw them myself...and actually have no visual in my mind...some memories just aren't strong enough to stick with us.

i still visualize Vermont...exactly as it was when i was around 7 years old..vivid pictures still in my "attic brain"

i hear ya on this one...i am going to travel some more now with you. to Turkey.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much, jacob! there are many more destinations to come that i just haven't written out yet. i hope you'll continue along my journey with me.

[K. Louis]

...and yet still enough weight to produce a poem! haha
Nice work here!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you!