I Am Who I Am

A Chapter by Dante Balsote

Who, me?

When I think about you every morning, I see your smile. Or your frown. Or your anger. But whatever emotion you are showing--to me, or to someone else--I always look into your eyes and finds in it the sincerity that possesses you and expresses the longings of your soul. You said you are not ordinary. So is everyone. No one thinks the same; not even those who are of the same flock. Lambs think like a lamb and lions think like a lion. But the lamb named Wendy and the lamb named Dante think not of the same things. Though you may think that what connects us each morning is the fake smiles you and I exchange in the hallway, I see in your eyes the true expression of your soul. More likely, you are far from the person I expect you to be. You are indeed the only one I'd find in this world that has the same mind as yours. Ah, yes, even those fake smiles of ours differ. You are who you are. I am who I am. But what of it? Do you really see me as someone who can fake his smile? I maybe. But only maybe. I may conceive in my mind that you do this for the sake of "cares for feelings," and sometimes that is really what I think. But the look in your eyes is telling me another story. The winks between me and my friends followed by the laughter that you probably always hear when your back is turned, is not meant to hurt you nor to make fun of you. And of course it is not for your enjoyment, as we were actually the ones enjoying. I do this only because I see in you the sincerity that I so long wanted to see and my friends take that to mean something else. It probably pisses you off. Probably, because I'm not sure. But I know--somehow I know, I don't know how I know, but I somehow know--you're not fit to be called a freak. You can call me a flat-headed jerk who gets the satisfaction from seeing other people feel "an outcast". But I know enough that you are not someone who would stop herself from being herself. You are who you are. For one thing, I consider you a "who" not a "what" and I respect that. And if by chance I trampled upon your being human, forgive me of my ignorance. But I know that you know who you are--that you are who you are. And may you know that I am who I am.