The Tale of Ol' Victoria

The Tale of Ol' Victoria

A Poem by DoormanDan
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A Steampunk inspired narrative about an automaton that was more than machine

"
The Tale of Ol' Victoria

'Twas early one muggy summer morn in the year 1884
That the grating gears of Ol' Victoria whirred no more
All the metalworkers mourned as they prepared to melt her core
And use her parts to help build a railroad way up north
She had brought ambrosia to steam saturated Dystopia
When widespread famine had engulfed that vast utopia
With her battalion of droids, she had sought out and destroyed

The anarchists and dictators that tried to take her home
And from their bones she crafted the most beautiful of thrones

As the workers cranked the wheel to lower her into the molten steel
Lead like sorrow was the only emotion that they could feel
But then out of her rusted shell came a sight oh so surreal
An astral projection of the automaton, cloaked in onyx and teal
She told them not to cry as oil cascaded from her eyes
And she began to be enveloped in a swarm of fireflies
"You may only have one life, so make the most of this time."

And then with the fireflies Ol' Victoria began to fly
To somewhere way beyond the zeppelins surfing through the sky

© 2016 DoormanDan


Author's Note

DoormanDan
I just thought I'd write one more piece before I start college. This time, I drew inspiration from the awesome sub-genre of Science Fiction known as Steampunk (if you don't know what that is, just look it up, you won't regret it). I know some of you may be thinking that this story is more cheesy that Kraft Mac and Cheese, but there IS more to this than you might initially think. Also, I wasn't too worried about originality in this piece, as I wanted to focus on my flow and descriptive abilities more. That being said, this is my first time doing a down to earth narrative style poem, so if you think that some areas are a bit weak, please feel free to tell me. I honestly don't know when I'll be posting new material again, as I'm going to have to focus much of my energy on academics and whatnot for a while, but I do think that when I get back, I'll have something a little special to post. This mandatory break from writing should give me a chance to stumble across fresh ideas and new inspiration, so I'm kind of glad it's happening. Adios...for now? :)

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Reviews

I like this piece it's different for what I usually read but I really like it . :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


DoormanDan

3 Years Ago

That's what I try to aim for with my writing; something different and something of high quality. So.. read more
Shae-Leigh Johns

3 Years Ago

of course I loved reading and can't wait to get the chance to read more. :)
I only know of the steampunk world in the sense of fashion (which I deeply admire) but I have never come across literature with a steampunk touch. Leave it to you to throw something so different out there to leave me nearly speechless every time! I feel like after reading this I understand a little more about the culture, at least form a literary standpoint. Glad I finally got to reading this :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


DoormanDan

4 Years Ago

I've only been fully introduced to Steampunk recently, and the moment I was, I knew I wanted to writ.. read more
Amber Lily

4 Years Ago

Haha that's alright, I'm in the same boat as you right now. I was so happy to finally get to reading.. read more
DoormanDan

4 Years Ago

Thanks. Hopefully, that'll continue in the near future, rather than in the far future. :)
I find the steampunk movement visually stunning, there is some interesting social commentary that gently occurs in the work of the genre.
Now as to your piece, it does tell a developed story, and follows a defined line. The stanza construct is unusual, though I can see some interesting communication variances possible in its make up.
I can not find a reason to the rhyming scheme, AAABCCD EE AAAABBC DD, which as the rhyming seems planned, at least at the beginning of the two main bodies of the work, was something I found a challenge to the flow.
Though I have a respect for steampunk, I do not have a knowledge of its attached science, so I do have to ask if a machine gaining some form of awareness, the idea of some form of machine essence or soul, and astral projection, are part of the belief structure.
There are many aspects to what you have accomplished here which are quite well done, interesting, and show your developing skills at your craft.

Posted 4 Years Ago


DoormanDan

4 Years Ago

Thank you once again for being honest, if only I got feedback as constructive as yours constantly. .. read more
Very emotional write. Loved seeing those steam engines in the movies. Valentine

Posted 4 Years Ago


DoormanDan

4 Years Ago

I absolutely love steam engines (and essentially every other type of technology like it). Thanks fo.. read more
I enjoy reading steampunk and that this is a splendid poem. It has an excellent message at the end, We all should remember that. But I did feel a little sad for her fate of being melted down. But she's not real but almost seemed to be alive. Impressive work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


DoormanDan

4 Years Ago

Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed this! There is actually more than one way the ending of this po.. read more
Tina Kline

4 Years Ago

You are welcome.

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Added on August 28, 2016
Last Updated on August 28, 2016
Tags: Smells Like Steampunk Spirit

Author

DoormanDan
DoormanDan

College Burnout, DE



About
I'm a twenty one year old young man who enjoys writing poetry, songs, stories, paintball and other things. My favorite things to do are parkour, video games, listening to music, and making people hap.. more..

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