Gunshots

I'm just a wreck of caffeine-induced sugar highs

while during the day I'm a walkin' wall of lies

that defends my feelings from the things people see

because every time that I start to believe someone loves me

I find out they are already gone and they don't even care.

The only reason I'm here is so I can fix my hair

and play the part that I was meant to play

but nowadays that part is so much different and hey

they say change is good, change is right.

So why does it hurt so much when against change I fight?
But why do I fight it, I mean what do I live for?

There's nothing left for me to hold on to. And sure

I've got friends in high places, and friends that are famous

but every single one of them treats me like I'm nameless.

And the most recognition I get from them

is when they tear me down and I have to start again

for the only benefit of them to keep good going

in their own lives while my blood is still flowing

out of my body from all the wounds that they cause

but all of my wounds aren't healed by meds on gauze.

No, these stabs in the back keep on coming

so I ain't got no time to start and keep running

away from the maniacs who call themselves "Friends,"

because it seems like they will be the collective ends

of me. And collectively

they live life and see

all these hardships that we

consider to be nothing

because they hurt and they sting and sometimes we just cry

but the truth of the matter is, for me it'd be easy to die.

I mean, a few friends and my family are all that would attend

the funeral marking the gradual end

of a man who was once popular through and through

until he lost everything. He took a gun and blew

all his brains out onto the floor and they kept on spilling

even though his broken spirit found no happy full-filling.

I wasted so much time trying to convince

myself that it was greener on the other side of the fence

so I'm climbed it and jumped and broke a few bones.

Then I discovered on the other side was just endless roads

so I followed these roads to wherever they led

and after following them all, I'd rather be dead

because the roads that I chose led me to doubt

and every doubt caused me to shout

words that shook the air and filled the wind

with pains and heartaches I can't comprehend

and I thought it was over; I thought that I was clear

until I ended up alone on a wooden pier

staring at the sea below me. How far down?
I wonder if I jumped, would I quickly drown?

But isn't that kind of a sad way to die?

Dying in a place that's so beautiful and I

used to spend complete days there on the beach

having fun with my family under the peach

sky. But it was just too good to be true

and now I'm here, with nobody else but you

to talk to and try to explain

everything that I've been through. Why does this pain

feel so addicting sometimes! I just want to know

Why can't I pick my butt off the floor and just let go!

I hate what's happened in the past, but all the same

I love to remember all those happy times that I came

to understand as life and I started to believe

that maybe, somewhere out there, I could live happily

if I just found the place. I guess I was wrong

because here I am singing like my tenth song

about dealing with troubles and trials that we all

have to deal with. In order to call

ourselves humans sometimes it seems like we

have to spend many days and sleepless nights in misery.

Why do people inflict so much pain

and why does everybody treat my life like a game!

I'm not a freakin chess piece people, I'm not a pawn

for you to use to please yourself as you go along.

But why wait for my people to finally stop it?

I got a gun here, just load it and pop it.

I wake up from my dream, crying a single tear.

But when I lay my head down tonight, will I still be here?

Reviews

[Cool Girl]

It was so well written. The emotions were clear and made the words more powerful. I think you always do a nice job at showing the feelings and hiding a message within the words. It is very sad though, and I'm sorry for that. You did an excellent job..

[Not here]

thank you cool girl

[Cool Girl]

You're welcome, David