Independent

I depend on others too much to be good

and even though I know that I probably should

eventually learn how to try and control

my feelings, I know that they will never be whole.

But the fact that they're broken in pieces

doesn't mean their worth at all decreases.

Even though they have lost all their glamour

I refuse to go and take a sledge hammer

to the small pieces that barely remain.
These battled-tested walls have stood through the campaigns

that life continues to send marching at me.
Forget the Third Crusade. This is undoubtedly

larger and heavier on the scale

and even though they are endless, they will never prevail.
My walls may be weak and crumbling apart

but what is left of them will always protect my heart

and what is still standing continues to be

the hardest, most toughest walls of the rest. You see

I used to stay behind my friends and just follow

and if you knew me well, you'd see that I was so hollow,

just lookin' to fill in all my holes with love

that I sought for much more than I should of.

Nowadays, I'm singing a different tone

and if back then I would have somehow known

that the path I followed led to insecurities

and I would have lived my whole life trying to appease

then I definitely would have picked a different path

because now I'm forced to survive in the aftermath

of me getting hit by a few atomic bombs.

No amount of supposedly helpful psalms

will help get me through this disastrous day

and I love my friends to death but what they say

will never get me to live my life okay.

Only I can decide what I'm going to feel

because I can change my emotions with the turn of a wheel.

Empathy, pity, grief or sadness,

or I can feel happiness and choose gladness.

This is my only choice at the time

because suicide wouldn't make a very good rhyme

and no matter how much I talk about taking

my own life, I know I wouldn't be making

a plan for it, at least not anytime soon.

I've still got potential as high as the moon

even if I sometimes I can't see it.

I'll always find a way to just free it,

whether it's making masterpieces and rockin' the mic

or going crazy, just sayin' whatever I feel like;

every sort of rhyme, story, or achievement

has helped me learn what to do and helped me freed it.

And life has played some unusual tricks,

cruel things they did to me. No quick fix

was available to me for all of the broken bones

so I stood up and caught every one of the stones

that were thrown at me. I refused to stay

on the ground where I used to just lay.

Now I'm different, and I don't depend

on anybody. And every friend

I have to hold me up when I fall

but upon them I will never call

because they have their own way in which they are needing

so they don't need to be worrying about my exceeding

insanity. But I'm alright

because everyday I'm alive is just another fight.
Nowadays I'm in Round Five-thousand Two-hundred Ninety-six

but my life match has had a wholesome mix

of throwing punches and receiving blows in return

and in some rounds we decide to totally spurn

fighting and continue to go along with peace

but peace doesn't last forever. The beast

inside of us all has to continue to fight.

It's up to us all to choose what we might

decide to put the work effort into

because only through that may we begin to

understand life and what it can be.

However, to me, living happily

seems everyday more and more to agree

with being who I want to be, how I choose.

As long as I continue to be me, I won't loose

my identity because I'm making it rock-hard.

This armor of mine may be quite battle-scarred

and sometimes I may get caught a little off-guard

but that won't stop me. I give the haters no regard

as I continue on, marching even though marred.

This is me now, I'm the superintendent

of making my decisions. I choose to be independent.

Author's Note

You know those times when you have a conversation and you admit things about yourself you did not realize were true? Then you just have to write a poem and eat a blueberry bagel? Yeah, been there; done that.

Reviews

[Riley Justine]

I am amazed at how I can relate to all of your poems. They are all so deep and I understand the deep meaning to them all. Your are an amazing writer and I really would encourage you to turn these to music. Beautiful piece here.

[Not here]

lol if only i could rap...and thanks :)

[Riley Justine]

Like I said before, I know someone who can :P
And it's just talking fast lol. I hat rap so much but I love your poems so much I would probably listen to it.

[Not here]

lol yeah. some raps are more like poems but i agree. i think the newer rap which is like all party rap and is super reptitive, i dont really like that

[Riley Justine]

I totally agree! My friend Chloe and I were talking about how all the rude guys like rap. So if a guy likes rap stay away :P

[Not here]

lol yeah totes. the better thing is, if a guy says totes then he is pretty crazy

[Riley Justine]

My dad and brother keep saying cray-cray so totes is actually alright lol

[Not here]

lol thats funny

[Riley Justine]

And a really old friend asked me out a little while but I hadn't talked to him for ages. Turns out he's built up a habit of taking too many selfies and saying totesmagotes

[Not here]

lol wow. thats a strange word

[Riley Justine]

Yeah...I said no to going out...not my type :

[Not here]

yeah totes cray cray

[Riley Justine]

Oh that's real cute...except not lol

[Not here]

lol so cruel

[Riley Justine]

Just the cray cray. Don't mind the totes so much considering I say it as a joke pretty often :P
read moreJust the cray cray. Don't mind the totes so much considering I say it as a joke pretty often :P

[Not here]

after often, it wont let me read more of your review

[Riley Justine]

To be completely honest I don't even remember what I said because I'm talking to three people and working on a paper for my Religious Studies class right now...

[Not here]

lol its ok you can work on that stuff and talk to your peeps. its alright.

[Riley Justine]

Mm, don't sound too eager to get rid of me.

[Not here]

lol no its not that but if your busy then thats ok

[Riley Justine]

you sure about that?
Right now you're an excuse not to work on my paper or talk to a really desperate guy who wants a girlfriend so that's pretty nice.

[Not here]

i think all guys are like that guy, some of us dont just show it. lol sorry that was random. i have my very smart moments

[Riley Justine]

I wish he would stop showing it because it's creeping me out and he doesn't know what no means

[Not here]

have you tried talking to him about it?

[Riley Justine]

uh, yes. I pretty much told him to leave me alone because I'm not interested and that the way to a girl's heart is not by telling her you think she smells good. Because especially if she doesn't remember seeing you that day that's gonna come of real creepy

[Not here]

thats creepy yeah...

[Riley Justine]

extremely. And today at school he said something along the lines of "you look better with curly hair because then you don't have to straighten it" which make no logical sense whatsoever

[Riley Justine]

not sure if you've ever had anyone do anything like that to you before but it's horribly annoying

[Not here]

lol yeah ive had some trouble but i try not to let it ruin friendships with my peeps. now if they werent already my friends itd be different

[Riley Justine]

it's literally the worst thing ever

[Riley Justine]

this guy is tearing apart a perfectly fine friendship and making it horribly awkward

[Not here]

well i really dont know what you could tell him. if he isnt being mature about it, the only thing you can do is try to explain that he needs to mature a little more but dont be too mean about it. some fights can get so bad that they can never be fixed. dont let this destroy your friendship

[Riley Justine]

I'm not really sure I even want there to be a friendship anymore though. He's so damn creepy

[Not here]

hey i got to go to bed, sorry. ill try to talk to ya more this weekend okay? and email me if you need any advice or help or just wanna talk

[Riley Justine]

email you?

[Not here]

i meant instant message, although i have an email too. [email protected]. but i dont care which

[Riley Justine]

ok, I'll email you, I prefer that. Thanks for your advice though darlin'
It means a lot :)read moreok, I'll email you, I prefer that. Thanks for your advice though darlin'
It means a lot :)

[Not here]

no problem :) night

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

This reminds me a little bit of that Rocky quote:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you're hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"

A little bit different in context, perhaps, but the same strong message running.

You are wise to have chosen to be independent. That is in truth the only way to go. It does not mean to shun away everything and everyone in your life. It just means that you are well aware that no one can complete you, only you can make yourself whole.

[Not here]

thank you :) i really appreciate you understanding and commenting

[Emily]

'because suicide wouldn't make a very good rhyme'
I really line this line!
Keep it up!

[Not here]

thanks :) im glad

[Elisa]

Wow, I am so impressed by how much time and care that you put into your writing. It really shows, and I personally think you're getting better and better in your writing.

[Not here]

thank you :) im glad you liked it

[nazia]

This stream of consciousness style of yours is very refreshing to read. Plus the effort that you put to maintain the rhythm of the entire piece. Very clever indeed.
I like the way you express this "self- talk" ( the conversation you had with your inner self)of yours. Your thoughts are so clear and your boundaries so neatly defined. A Great write :)

[Not here]

thank you very much for your kind review :)

[dan]

david, You write very well in a 'confessional' style, penning self-awareness and exploration, so detailed and written as if it's some sort of master plan. And I'm not saying that's bad. Sometimes in long writes some poets actually repeat themselves inadvertently, not remembering (so long ago) that they had already written it. But yours is very linear, the flow is very smooth and no repeat phrases or lines. You do very well expressing feelings, explaining your rationale for all. Great piece. take care...dan

[Not here]

thank you dan :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Another very well written piece... and another 100 from me.
I like the line, where you say that suicide is not a choice, because it doesn't make a good rhyme. Hahaha:) well, it really doesn't, and I hope you wont ever seriously think about it.

[Not here]

thank you alot for your review :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You're welcome.

[closed]

It can be the hardest thing in the world to standalone...

even though we will always need someone to help us through the difficult times

and knowing this, still you fight with a gallant pen


but you are never truly alone in this world



-Dream

[Not here]

thanks dream. i appreciate the review