Tubal Life

Imagination? Science Fiction? Allegory? or is it just my odd sense of humor? This was in response to Versenators Challenge #18

 

Tubal Life

 

Tube worms sway near deep sea geysers

red lipstick plumes float none the wiser

without stomach mouth or eyes

no teeth to grind or criticize

no need to cut or mash their food

it’s done for them – that’s understood

 

A nine foot tube a mile deep

what secret life within your keep?

Do you miss the sky, the solar rays

great traffic jams or donkey brays

old TV shows like Happy Days -

no Fonzie style no bygone days

or none we know of anyway.

 

What history you fail to write

of civilized but endless night

no war or famine to be braved

no starving children to be saved

just monster clams and red-tipped tubes

and tiny one-cells in your brood

 

Are tubes the groove on Saturn’s moon?

Do Titan cousins sway and swoon?

Are tubes the universal form

that rule beneath great desert storms

with feathered crowns or hydra arms

sentients tending aqua farms

beneath galactic solar swarms?

 

And do tubes rule the other side

the seas our souls sail when they die

the river Styxx and Hades lands

angels’ haunts and swirling sands?

Life’s mysterious; life’s outrageous;

life grows where open minds will take us.

 

David P. Eckert

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Jonathan Standifird]

This is very very fun. It made me smile with its whimsy. Whimsy. La de da! : ) Plus I love deep sea vent ecology and it warms a special deep sea cockle down at the bottom of my heart to hear someone write about it. Whimsy. The references to Titan was great (though I missed poor Europa). Thanks for satisfying some geeky part of my whimsical soul.

Whimsy.

Jonathan

[Ashly Christen]

What history you fail to write
of civilized but endless night ... i like this line


life grows where open minds will take us.... and this is just wonderful!
haha
awesome
you did really well i never woulda thought about something like this for a pix like that lol
:D
♥

[Inmate 72866]

Original choice of subject. Tube worms. I saw a thing on National Geographic...well enough of that s**t. The piece is good. The rhymes are focused not forced. For some reason, this doesn't have the energy of some of your others. Maybe I'm just sleepy. Good subject, good technical writing. I would say I need to reread it and get the feel. I think it is well crafted and that goes a long way with me.

[Cheryl J. Turner]

A very descriptive piece.

[Jessica Standifird]

This is a great take on the challenge. You open up the mind to all kinds of questions, what would it be like to live so far removed from the world we have built up around us, to not be immersed in the culture, perceptions, and routines? You paint a surreal, yet serene picture with your words. I found myself wanting to be at the bottom of the ocean, feeling the current push up against me, settling into the darkness, and just...being.

[Nihad Dweidary]

I would change the line before the last to something like:

Life mysteries make life outrageous

Without a verb, the line feels a bit too casual. However, you philosophize your object of descrition so well that one feels the whole poem as a song sung in perfect tune. You have a great knack for clear, eloquent expression. When I read your poems, I travel a bit in my mind, and that can only be a testament to your poetic strength. My favorite lines are:

[Gandré]

An interesting sight. "A nine foot tube a mile deep
what secret life within your keep?
Do you miss the sky, the solar rays
great traffic jams or donkey brays" =======>>>>> liked this. you can write about evrything, a real poet.
"Are tubes the groove on Saturn�s moon?
Do Titan cousins sway and swoon?
Are tubes the universal form
that rule beneath great desert storms
with feathered crowns or hydra arms
sentients tending aqua farms
beneath galactic solar swarms? " =======>>>> and this was very strong. You know I like this, everything universum related...great imaginary.
life grows where open minds will take us. ======>>>> yes, all it is about intuition and thoughts. my poem! Very good job.

[Krystal Waters]

I liked the way you put human life in with the life of a tube worm. They seem to have no problems, and yet up above onto the land, there is strife everywhere! Really nice! I could tell however you were trying hard to get the right words. The flow was there, it just felt like you struggled. However, it is a very good poem.


Krystal