Jamie-Maria

Jamie-Maria

A Poem by WilliamAllen
"

You never get to say what you want, until it's too late.

"
Jamie-Maria

Jamie-Maria, I should've said something to end
your questioning. Now all I have is regret in my pocket,
and a goodbye note, attached to a broken heart.
With the strength you've given me those past years,
Have gone and faded away like cigarette burns.

It still rings in my head, the few words you left me with.
If I told you, I loved you, would you believe me?
I know you cry behind closed doors, and hide whatever
Pains you with closed eyed smile, you give me everyday.
Are you trying to get help from me or trying to push
Me away like your hated childhood memories?

Jamie-Maria, I should've said kissed you to end
your questioning. Now all I have is regret in my pocket,
and a goodbye note, attached to a broken heart.

I wanted nothing more but to say I love you.
Except, my pride held my mouth tongue-tied.
I can't help but look in mirrors and see the 
reflection of the broken man I am now,
Wishing the last things I heard from you weren't the last.

If I told you, I loved you, would you believe me?
I know you cry behind closed doors, and hide whatever
Pains you with closed eyed smile you give me everyday.
Are you trying to get help from me or trying to push
Me away like your hated childhood memories?

Jamie-Maria, I should've said I love you. 
Now, all I have is regret in my pocket,
and a goodbye note, attached to a broken heart...

© 2012 WilliamAllen


Author's Note

WilliamAllen
I'm still very new to this, considering the as of late writings. I'm still a pretty weak writer, but bear with me please.

This was a writing that was spur of the moment. I changed this here and there, but I feared that the real message would fade into a mist if I tampered with this too much.

Breaking up with somebody, especially at a young age, as I am now, is always tough. I don't know how to cope when someone breaks up with me. I'll just take. Which is this lyric. This is a complication of one of the last ones one I had.

She didn't die, but she left for good.

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Tex
I feel your Pain brother. You write with pure emotion. the thoughts are real and pure. this has the look of a song to me, you have a chorus (or hook) that ties the stanzas together, or at least that is how I see it. You also use this refrain to frame the song bracketing the body between that clear message at the beginning then repeated at the end.

I question this phrase:
With the strength you've given me those past years,
Have gone and faded away like cigarette burns.

the reason i question it is I felt as I read this she was a big positive in your life that you long for the relationship to continue and you take responsibility for your part in her leaving. But it gives the feel you are comparing the relationship to a cigaret burn. If you can come up with something else that is a positive that fades away in time you might want to substitute Cigaret buns for that. then the reader wont question your longing for her that comes through loud and clear otherwise. if the relationship was painful (like a cigaret burn then I am off base and got the wrong impression).

Now what I really Liked:

Now all I have is regret in my pocket,
and a goodbye note, attached to a broken heart.

Masterful! this rings so true so pure it is one of the great lines that I wish I had written. furthermore if I read this line from one of the masters, I would not have been surprised.

keep at it. there is greatness in you and as you reach for truth and honesty in your writing (as you did with that phrase) you will be better able to express yourself to your girl (whoever that may) and she will never be able to leave a guy who communicates so well.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on November 4, 2012
Last Updated on November 4, 2012
Tags: Jamie-Maria, Janie

Author

WilliamAllen
WilliamAllen

Sheboygan, WI



About
I'm a simple guy who likes writing stories, poetry, anything. I also love playing online games (Starcraft 2, League of Legends, Amnesia: The Dark Descent) and console games (Batman Arkham City, Call o.. more..

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