two...an ironic tale

next lackluster installment of Sporadic Journal

  I think I shall tell you the funny little tale of the deaf and the mute next. I think it is funny, anyway.

  So I am one of those people who have perused electronic dating sites. Completely boring, but every once in a while, out of the blue, someone happens to pop up that is at least not scared to meet. Sometimes they're cool, other times they're just not quite right. Or maybe I should say that at times I am not quite right.

  So begins our tale on a semi late Saturday night on ye ole dating site. An IM pops up. I read. It is some guy, who decides he wants to meet after a few minutes.

  "Sure," I write him, but it will have to be in a while because I have to get my kids in bed. "Okay," he replies. "Let's go to the bar..."  O_o  OK, sure.

After a while I am ready to go out to drink with strangers, albeit a rather plain me. But hey, I wasn't going out to meet someone spectacular, just someone to see if they were cool to drink with. In all honesty, if he was someone special, he wouldn't have cared that I didn't take my hair down for a date.  But I get ahead of myself.

  On my way, he texts me...."Meet me at starbucks inside Barnes and Noble instead.."   Hmmmm, I raise my eyebrows to myself and smirk, but oh-kay!

  So I walk into Barnes and Noble, and what is the first thing I see? Catcher in the Rye. Stupid f*****g Catcher In The Rye. right now, you wonder why i curse the sight of this book right away, but you will learn soon, I promise. But for now, just know that I cursed this book, then grabbed it and went straight to the checkout counter.  Then I go back to trying to pick out my quasi-"date."

  Over walks this guy, and I wave. He kind of eyeballs me, and then starts to say hi.

  "Hi...." I hear the raspiest quietest voice I have ever heard, and all of a sudden I notice the scar on his neck.  He can't talk loudly. For very good reasons, that I won't share here at all, I will call him the mute.

  He orders me a coffee, and although it isn't alcohol, I am still grateful. We walk aimlessly around for a few minutes, and then I notice that there is a patio nearby, with it's chairs stacked neatly by the fence. One chair has a guy sitting in it, and the two others next to him were empty. So I, like the boneheaded dirty blonde I am, I grab the chairs and try to yank them closer to the tables so we can sit. The guy sitting in the chair nearby starts to chuckle. I look at him puzzled, wondering what dumb stupid s**t I am doing now, 'cause i am very good at doing dumb stupid s**t all the time, and he tells me, almost chocking, "The chairs are locked down!"

 I look over at the mute and grin, and he glowers at me and says, "I tried to tell you that..." He was so embarrassed. I felt so bad. Little does he know, I am almost completely deaf in one ear. That's why I am the deaf.

So we walk around for a minute more, and squeaks, "Well, Danielle, it was nice to meet you and you're a nice girl and all, but this just isn't working."  With that he walks away. And I burst into giggles.  Oh my God! That was awkward. But it did give me a neat story to tell.

  Besides, something better came along less than twenty four hours later. That is for another day.