White

This poem is about my battle with depression.

 the moon is in a heavy dream

he doesn't want to wake up, it seems

the sun will cast a brilliant light

engulfing me in white.

 

the noon is long- I don't complain,

I rather favor the hours of day

the sun extends her loving arms

I hold her hands, I love her charm

 

when she calls I will arise

softly pouring into my eyes

and dancing all around my room,

the white will send away my gloom

 

every color all at once,

I love the white for what it does,

I love the sun. I feels its teeth

they're always biting into me.

Reviews

[Ross Saunders]

This is a very beautiful poem. I like the language and tone of it. If there was one fault with it, I would say it could be longer. Great job here.

[Stephen Scaggs]

The personification you give to the sun and moon are terrific. Though you spend most of the poem talking about your love for the sun, but you should be spending most of your time in the poem wishing for the sun to rise so it can wrap its arms around you. I think that's what you were trying to convey in a "battle of depression." But I get depressed a bit; very beautiful poem. 4/5.

[X]

i love they way you personify the moon and the sun and throw in the hidden meanings. i like that you can feel the mood of this poem so easily.
you don't have to dig down deep or anything to understand what it's about.
great write.
keep it up.

[Clockwork]

I think you do a fairly good job of describing depression in this piece. I think the strongest and most enduring part of this piece for me was the metaphor in line one. I think that the piece overall could benefit from the addition of punctuation, but other than that it is pretty solid.