Blood Kiss

(Before you read my first chapter please be adviced that this is a first draft, there is many typo's and errors in it. The reason I didn't correct them is because I tend to rewrite and rewrite until it perfect then I get bored and not go on to the next chapter. So i refuse to go back and change anything in fear that I won't complete it. I do appericate advice and if you do see errors you are more than welcome to share them with me so that when I do go back and rewrite it, I know where to look. Thanks for your time
Diana)

Chapter 1

I sat on the white sandy beaches of Daytona , i watched how the silvery liquid moonlight danced along with the waves as they rippled in to the shore. There was a time in my life where I would have been memorized by such a tranquil scenery, But those days are long gone, along with the last decent part of my heart. Ha, heart. As if i could claim i have one. I sat with my legs tucked under me, as i watched a young couple walk by hand and hand, she laughed at some lewd comment that he had made involving turtle breeding. They happily strolled along so enthralled in each others presence, they were oblivious to the evil that lurked in the shadows of the night.. Unaware that they are nothing better than those fish in the sea, just a meal on the bottom of the food chain.
"Go Cassandra, Dine. You know you crave it. Their heart beats are so strong and it calls to you." I glanced behind me, I didn't need to. I knew what to expect, as usual Hector Vonbretan stood as if born with a twenty four caret gold spoon in his mouth. Impeccably dressed in his fine Armani black suit, his long brown hair pulled back and tied neatly at his neck. I rolled my eyes, pretending not to care, pretending that he wasn't right.
"Aren't you just a little over dressed for the beach." I asked sarcastically.
"Why do you torture yourself like this Cassandra." He continued as though i never said a word to him.. " Don't you know that you and I are here for a reason." Hector believed that we were placed on this earth to weed out the humans, that god himself chose our kind to keep from over populating the world. He crouched down beside me, not allowing his suit to touch the sand. He caressed my cheek with the side of his thumb. His hands were like fine silk, they have never seen a hard days work in his life.
"Don't" I said as i pulled away. "You , You may have been born to this. But I was brought over without a choice. "
He lifted my hair, as if examining each strand.
"Yes you did my dear. You had a choice." he said letting the strands fall between his fingers. "Had I not saved you from that river, you would have been fish food."
He inched closer to me his face was just a whisper away.
"If you remember, I gave you that choice to come with me or die. You chose to live."
I scooted away from him and stood up. I shivered, though i wasn't cold. My body was unable to differentiate between hot and cold However when Hector was around he gave me the Chills.
"If I knew what my choice to live would cost me. I would have preferred to die."
Hector enjoyed taunting me with the hard truth, I wanted to die, I knew what i was doing that day i stood on the edge of the cliff looking down over the hatchet river, I wanted the end of my life, i wanted death as sure as my father wanted me to marry Clide Harkin.
Clide was a wealthy banker. He had promised my father he would forgive the farm debt as well as pay him a large sum of money for my hand in marriage. During those days farm people worked hard, I had looked older than my sixteen years. My father had reminded me that I was to old to be choosy, that most girls my age where already married. However, I could never marry a man whom I could never love. I would soon as die, than to give my body to an old withered man. So I stood looking down over the river, I wanted to teach them a lesson, that love couldn't be bought. Before I could change my mind, I dove over the side of the cliff. As my body fell towards the rocks and water below, images of the people in my life flashed before my eyes: my mother, my sisters, Sara and Junnie, my brother Joie. They needed me to protect them from our abusive father. Hannah Goffery, my best friend who I would meet at the property line and talk about everything and her brother Brandon who I always hoped that I would marry one day. These were the people I did love. My last thought as my body crashed in to the water was, I would never see them again, and their hearts would be broken when they found me.
Hector had seen me plunge towards the river, He fished me out of the river, every bone in my body had been broken and I lied as limp rag doll on the ground as he bent over me, I was for sure i was dead because an angel bent over me, his dark silky hair touched my aching skin. His face was of pure beauty, chiseled cheek bones, full voluptuous lips that women die for, and the darkest velvety eyes I had ever seen. He loomed over me as if he were floating.
"What have you done child." He reprimanded me in accented voice.
"I can save you. I can make all the pain go away." He brushed the hair from brow.
"You have the choice, Live forever with me or die and never see your family again."
Those images that flashed through my mind earlier had returned. The pain that I felt all over my body was unimaginable. I could feel my blood in my mouth it was gurgling up from my throat and i felt like gagging on it.
"chose child." I try to speak, but the blood splattered all over staining Hectors white shirt.
"Just think your answer." He had said. "and I will hear you."
Yes... I thought. Yes please save me, I want to live. I want to see my family.
True to his word he saved me, my body healed quickly, over night even. I was able to see my family as he had promise, I had seen them grow old and die, And my payment was to be a companion to Hector forever.. If I could have thrown up at that thought I would have.
I moved away, trying to put as much distance between me and Hector as I could. As always I dressed in the fashion of this era. My low rider jeans fit snuggly on my slim hips. I wore a baby T shirt with the words AC/DC back in black written on it. To any one else from my blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail to Nike tennis shoes, I looked like a typical twenty -two year old young women.. No one would ever believe that I am a two hundred year old vampire.
Hector walked up behind me he rubbed his hand on my backside around the front to the crevice between my thighs and then up to wrap his arm around my waist. He buried his face in to my neck, His strong arms holding my back against his front, his erection pressing in to my bottom.
"Let me go Hector." I demanded.
" Don't you remember how I felt between your thighs Ma Cherie."
He ran his tongue against my neck. I cringed as I try to pull away.
"You use to beg for me to relieve you're pain, You beg for me to bring you the pleasures only I can."
He ran his hands along my waist to to cup my breast. I closed my eyes as blood red tears threaten to spill over.
"Let Me Go.." I said between clench teeth.
My strength was ten time more than human strength, however I was no match for Hector.
He released me and I moved quickly away.
"Ma Cherie, I have given you time, don't you think it is time for you to come back to me. You asked for space and I gave it to you. I let you come here to this god forsaken place."
I looked back over my shoulder, Hector may always be a beautiful man in the eyes of those who didn't know him. For me he was ugly, I knew the real Hector, his view on human life was that of cattle.
"I didn't ask for space Hector, I asked for Freedom."
"You had your freedom, it's been fifty years." he interjected.
I had feared this day would come, I knew that he would never let me go. I felt his presence the minute he arrived in Florida, it drifted on the wind like a noxious odor.
"Did you not miss me Cherie?"
I know the expression on my face should have told him the answer to that, Hector was a little slow on the draw or at least he acted as if he had no clue.
"Not hardly."
"Come Sandi, stop being childish. I have always given you all that you have needed. You have never wanted for anything."
"I wanted my own life."
"and fifty years from me was not enough?"
"Forever would never be enough." I pushed a strain of hair that worked it's way out of my pony tail off my face. I just wanted to get as far away as i could from him.
"Don't think I don't know you have sent your lackies to keep track of me. Don't you think I would know the smell of my own kind."
"I gave you everything you needed to live away from me, i had to protect my investment."
"don't you understand..." The tears I tried so hard to hold back spilled over my lashes, and left a blood trail down my face.
"I don't want your protection, i don't want your money. I don't want you."
He put his hand to his heart as if I wounded him.
"The things you say to me Sandi, after I saved you, what could you have had without me."
I wanted to scream at him, i wanted to claw his eyes out, I wanted to run so far away where he never would find me, but i knew where ever I would run, Hector would always be able find. me, he would never let me go.
"I could have had what Every body else has had, a job, a husband, a family."
he looked at me disdainfully, like he had a bad taste in his mouth.
"You could have gotten full, carried some one sniffling child, your teeth could have rotted and fallen out, you body could have turned to wrinkles and sagged and you could have died."
"At least I could have loved, and have had some one to love me back."
"Mi Cheri." He said as he appeared in front of me, he lifted my chin to look up at him.
"I have loved you. That is why I can't let you go. I have been your husband , your lover, your family."
He lowered his head and licked the blood tears from my face. I turned my head so that he couldn't see how he tortured me.
"Just let me go." I cried...
"what would you do?" He said. "if you had nothing?"
"I'd manage." I said as I lifted my head up proudly.
"Could you? without the money, the home?"
"Yes." I said defiantly
"I see." He brushed an invisible speak off his expensive jacket sleeve.
"If a lesson you need, then a lesson you will receive, from this day forth you are free of me."
"what?" I asked as if not understanding.
"You want your freedom, you insist on this ludicrous notion that you are normal, I have come to understand that you will not be happy with me, and if I can't have you come to me willingly, then you are on your own."
I was at a lose of words, it just seem to good to be true.. Hector would never want to make anyone happy unless it benefited him.
"when you tier of being normal and you realize your need of me, just call and I shall come to your rescue yet again."
with that he turned toward the couple who had disappeared in the darkness, then he just vanished.
I stood there starring at the spot that he had once been. My stomach grumbled, it was getting close to dawn and I needed to feed. I could travel the easy way, and teleport myself where ever i wanted to go, however I liked living normally, well as normal as a vampire could be. I walked back up the beach to the parking lot where I left my car. Just as I reach pavement, i noticed that my car was being hitched to a tow truck.
"Hey!" I yelled to the burley man who jacked my little red porsche to the back of his truck.
"That is my car!" I rushed up to him just as he turned around, rubbing his greasy hands on his already dirty shirt. His name tag read Jeff. He had an over grown wiry beard that poked out in all different direction and he was missing more than just a few teeth.
"What do you think you are doing?" I demanded. "that is my car."s
He spit a large brown wad on the ground beardy missing my shoe. He handed me a piece of paper.
"I got me some orders missy."
I looked at the yellow ticket he handed me on the top in big bold letters, it read REPOSSESSED.. payment stopped by Hector VonBreton.
"You b*****d!" I said out loud, which got me a nasty look from the vulgar man. Hector sure works fast, i needed my car, and the only way i was going to get it was with power of persuasion
I try never to use my power unless it was absolutely necessary, and right now it was necessary. *release the car to me* I used a mental push. He turn to push the lever to unhook my car, then he shook his head.
"yer just gonna have to pick it up at the yard." he said with a grin, then hopped in to the cab of the truck and drove away...
I stood in the parking lot watching the tail lights of my prize car ride away. "Damn you Hector." I cursed. I felt the early rays of sun rise peaking through the horizon along with a gut retching pain that enveloped me. I needed to feed and I was running out of time. I turned toward the beach and spot a young couple entangled in a sexual position. I stumbled toward them, the monster that threaten to erupt inside of me crept closer and closer to the surface with each step I took. I could feel my incisors teeth elongating and my eyes were glowing an iridescent color. I couldn't walk any further as the pain engulfed me, I dropped to the ground, my knees and hands sinking in to the sand. I couldn't move any further, I summons the couple. Come to me. I called memorizing them, The man reached me first, totally naked he drop to his knees in front of me as I pulled him to me and sunk my teeth in to his neck. I drank vigorously uncaring that he may die, I could feel his heart beat weaken I wanted more from him, my hunger still beat at me. I forced myself away, I could not take this mans life, i would be no better than Hector. The women knelt beside me, With my heighten senses i could smell the sex on her. I brought the woman's wrist to my mouth, the blood flowed on my tongue Women's blood was always sweeter than then men's. I savored the taste feeling the hunger that consumed me ebb away. I caught her visions of the night and of their passion as i feed from her. I pulled back and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. "Dinner and a movie." I chuckled to myself. As I stood up to leave, I implanted memories of to much alcohol and passing out on the beach in their minds. I sent a compulsion to a near by cop to check the beach for any loitering, and then i zapped myself from the beach into my apartment.
I really hated that means of transportation, It remind me of how not human i really was. I appeared in my high rise penthouse apartment, just happy to be home, all I wanted to do was drop dead in my comfortable plush bed, I could hear those pillows calling for me. I kicked off my shoes and pulled down my pony tail.
"Well, well, nice to see you made it home in time." I heard Hectors annoying voice. I turned to face him, with disgust on my face. He sat stretched on my couch wearing a pair of faded jeans and a black t-shirt.
"I am tired Hector and I am more than pissed off at you right now, so do you mind leaving my apartment." I said flicking my hand as I would shoo a fly.
He looked at me as if he was offended. "Pissed at me, why ever for."
"I am not playing games with you Hector, just please go home."
He laughed as if I had told him a joke.
"Why my darling' I am home."
"That's not funny." I pleaded. "Just go away, right now I don't even want to see your face."
"Well this time I am offended." He pouted. " I do believe this is a nice apartment, I think I will stay."
My mouth dropped and I turned to face him. " you can't be serious?"
he rubbed his chin as if thinking. " I am quite serious."
"You can't Hector, this is my apartment."
" And whose name is on the lease? whose bank account does the rent come from?"
"You can't stay here Hector, I don't want to be around you. You make me sick."
He tsked at me. "I can not believe how childish you are being, I provide for you nice things and you continuously insult me."
He stood up and stretched. " I think I am going to retire, care to join me." He started walking toward my bedroom, The suite had only two bedroom one I used as my personal bedroom the other an office. I never entertain people in my home so I was never in any need of a second bed.
" Where do you think you are going?" I questioned, panic rising in my voice.
" I told you, I was going to retire."
"but that is my room."
"It is mine." he rebutted. " You can sleep in the bed with me if you would like."
"No thank you." I scream as i threw a couch pillow at his back. "And where the hell am I suppose to sleep?"
"where ever you like." he said and the shut the door to my room. I stood there staring at the closed door, my mouth wide open.
"Uuugh." I grunted. "I hate that man." I picked up the pillow I threw at him and tossed it on the couch, I guess I was going to have to sleep on the couch. The guest from hell was setting up home in my bedroom. I went to plop down on the couch and landed on my behind, my couch a been zapped out of the room. dazed and confused, I did the only thing I could think of. Throw a tizzy fit. I threw everything I could get my hands on at the bed room door. Screaming and cussing the whole time. When I had thrown everything besides the kitchen sink I dropped to the floor it was mid morning and my body was protesting I needed to sleep. I was crying and frustrated. I knew I did not want to be in the same apartment as Hector so I zapped myself to the storage room in the building. The room was larger than my penthouse. It took up most of the bottom floor off the building. It was where all the holiday decorations where kept, as well as extra tables and dishes. Most of the boxes had dust on them about three inches thick, I crept around to the back of the storage room and laid behind a thirty foot Christmas tree, I pulled a blue tarp over my body so that no one would see if they should need to come down here. I laid there on the dirty dusty floor as I let sleep take me, I heard Hectors laughter in my mind, and I am pretty sure a rat had ran across my bare feet.

Reviews

[Lisa Verdon]

Hi Diana, this is an interestesting read. I saw some grammatical errors, which I am uncertain you wanted mentioned--since it's a first draft. These lines, "Before I could change my mind i dove over the side of the cliff, as my body fell toward the rocks and water below. Images of the people in my life flashed before my eyes," would read better this way: Before I could change my mind, I dove over the side of the cliff. As my body fell towards the rocks and water below, images of the people in my life flashed before my eyes: my mother, my sisters, Sara and Junnie, my brother Joie." Also, "Mi Cherie" I believe is "Ma Cherie." But most of this could be altered in Microsoft word, or something, so I won't bore you with specifics. The one thing I will mention is that it seems quite similar to "Interview with a Vampire." I would be interested to know which direction you would take it so it might read less typical. You do express a nice gift for writing, though :)

[DonGilbert]

loved this

[Vampstyle]

This is great... i think hector is an a*s.

[Sara]

I'm a big fan of Vampire stories and this one is no exception. I love your descriptions of the characters, and her arranged marriage was intriguing. I have never read Interview with a Vampire, so I wouldnt know if there were any similarities. There were a few grammatical errors, but also like has been said, those could be easily fixed with Word when you feel the need. I have to admit, though, that I am aggravated at Cassandra for not liking Hector. Maybe she will change her mind? Overall, it was a great read and very entertaining. :-)

[Everyday Is Just Anothe..]

For being a first draft it's not a bad one. Grammar of course but that is to be expected. It's a very interesting story plot though. You seem really into the horror kind of writing now which is fantastic!

[~D.A. Phoenix~]

Awesome job for a first draft. There were some gramar and punctuation error but i'm pretty sure you where in the zone when you wrote this. That happens to me a lot. Read my stuff and you'll see. Anyway this is awesome and i cant wait to read more

[Erotic Goddess]

Even though this is a first draft, you could put spaces between the paragraphs which just makes it easy to read. This is really good though, content-wise, and I also respect your opinion to edit when this is complete. It makes things easier that way and like you said, it gets written that way! :)

xxoxx

[Danielle Ryan]

the was very intriguing i enjoyed it immensely! there were a few typos, but not enough for me to lose the sight of the story. it was quite entertaining how Hector torments and taunts Cassandra. i could imagine the scene at the beach perfectly with Hector being seductive ;> nicely done!

[LynnTashio]

I'm extremely in love with this idea. Even though I agree with Lisa Verdon, your story does have some Interview with a Vampire qualities, but not too much. I'm extremely interested to see where this is going to go.

Sorry some changes I think that will help your story:

"I sat on the white sandy beaches of Daytona , i watched how the silvery liquid moonlight danced along with the waves as they rippled in to the shore." Is better read: "I sat on the white sandy beaches of Daytona watching the silvery liquid moonlight dance along with the waves as they rippled onto shore."

You could split the first paragraph between "I sat on the white sandy..." and "I sat with my legs tucked under me..." If you decide to split the paragraph, then I also suggest that you change the beginning sentance of paragraph 2, so that way it doesn't repeat like the first.

"Go Cassandra, Dine. You know you crave it. Their heart beats are so strong and it calls to you." I glanced behind me, I didn't need to. I knew what to expect,... Is better read: "Their heart beats are so strong, it calls to you. Go Cassandra. You know you crave it." I glanced behind me, though I didn't need to. As expected,... You could maybe add in a rhetorical question in the quotation for example "Their heart beats are so strong, it calls to you doesn't it Cassandra? Go. You know you crave it."

"Why do you torture yourself like this Cassandra." He continued as though i never said a word to him.. " Don't you know that you and I are here for a reason." Hector believed that we were placed on this earth to weed out the humans, that god himself chose our kind to keep from over populating the world. 1st, delete the extra period, and in "Hector...world" it should be rewritten as: that god himself chose our kind to keep humans from over populating the world... or something to that effect.

'His hands were like fine silk, they have never seen a hard days work in his life.' Is better read: His hands were like fine silk, as if they've never seen a hard days work. Or 'His hands were like fine silk, the hands of someone who has never seen a hard days work in his life.' Something to that effect.


"Hector...I wanted to die" Should have a period.
"to old to" is "too old to"
"I would soon as die," Delete the comma.

"Hector had seen me plunge towards the river, He fished me out of the river, every bone in my body had been broken and I lied as limp rag doll on the ground as he bent over me, I was for sure i was dead because an angel bent over me, his dark silky hair touched my aching skin. His face was of pure beauty, chiseled cheek bones, full voluptuous lips that women die for, and the darkest velvety eyes I had ever seen." Suggestions: 1st line can be shortend to "Hector had seen me plunge towards the river and fished me out." 2nd - "Every bone in my body had been broken, I lay limp like a rag doll on the ground as he bent over me."

As for Hectors description, I believe this is a better choice: "His face was of pure beauty; chiseled cheek bones, full voluptuous lips and the darkest velvety eyes I've ever seen." You could think of adding a little more description to him, not much, maybe mention his complextion.

"chose child." is "Choose child."
"I was at a lose of words" is "I was at a loss for words"

Other than that the story was superb. I like the idea a lot, you should continue it. There were small problems, like capitalizing your 'i' and maybe somethings that woud better the story, maybe fix some of the structure. I hope that all my critizisim helps you. You have a gift for writing.

[Nana Carmine]

I like it a lot. I really like your style of writing and your characters are fun to read about. I hope you write more soon.

[[untitled]]

Its very interesting read, please continue the story. This story is very interesting and keeps you wanting more...