My Own Terror

A conquered childhood terror

I have a very vivid memory of days all mixed together.  These were school days when I was young.  All days were the same then.  I got up, grabbed my plaid lunch box, and walked out the door.  I had to cross cattle guards.  Three cattle guards stood in the way between me and my classroom.  I crossed the first one easily because there was a concrete barrier on either side that I could sit on and scoot across.  My lunch box bore the scars of those multiple scootings.  Immediately after crossing that one was the entirely too scary one.  There were no barriers on the sides.  I remember thinking how far apart those bars were and how little my feet.  I'm sure now that I can look back as an adult that my feet were amply large to cross without fear.  I managed it time and again.  I tell the truth here where I've never mentioned it before: I would, on occasion, be so terrified that I went down into the wash to avoid crossing the scary thing.  (I never feared that rattle snakes would be there, nor scorpion.  I only feared the bars.)  The final guard was crossing from the road into the playground and it was a small one, long enough to keep the cattle from stepping over.  I never feared that one.

I remember then, one day.  One life changing day when I decided to face my fear and just cross. ( I had never discussed my terror of the cattle guards with anyone.  This was between the inanimate objects and me alone.)  I stood at the first guard and drew a deep breath.  My heart pounding, I took the first step.  My feet did not fall through.  I crossed without help and I felt like I could take on the world until I reached the terror bars.  My new-found confidence sagged and I went into the wash.  

I can't say how long it took me to drag up the courage to walk boldly across the terror bars, but I know that I did it.  One morning, tired of the fear, I walked boldly across.    

This has been the pattern of my life.  I live with these senseless fears of small things until I can no tolerate myself.  Then I dig down and find the strength that was there all along to face it.  The world doesn't know that I have these fears, but the world knows when I move past them.

Author's Note

I feel that the way I ended my telling is not in keeping with the flow of the story. If you have suggestions, please share.

Reviews

[Listmaker]

I really liked this story. There is definitely a lesson here that is universal. Just a couple of suggestions from a non-expert writer. Last paragraph, I think you meant to say "until I can no longer tolerate myself." And I think it would be much stronger to say, "but I know when I move past them" rather than but the world knows when I move past them. Honestly, I did not read the review from Marie until I had written mine!

[Marie]

This is very good writing, and teaching something as well. You last sentence does ot quite work. The world doesn't now that I have these fears, but I do. And only I know when I move past them.

[DontBlink]

Well, except the world knows the change that comes in me when I do move past them. I need to get that wording down.