Chapter One: Average

Eve Olson: Average White Female

I lay on the cold forest’s dark brown ground under the dark starry sky with this partner the stunning bright full moon. It used to cover in snow just a few weeks ago. That’s winter in fall in Minnesota. I lay here just outside my town of Wayne. I lived there all my life. Such a boring life. You would think for a pretty hot teenager female, I would be having a little fun in life. But nothing really.

I’m in my last few months of high school then off someone hopefully warm for college. I didn’t have some massive plan for life. I just lived life in the moment. I did whatever I wanted. Expect with guys, I was waiting for the right one to sweep me off my feet. Been waiting for years,,,

The most excitement I have had in the last year has been right now, lying on the ground next to my sister and her friend. My sister Amber was a year younger than me. But she was completely different than me. She was kind of the town w***e. Her and her friend, Monica, ruled our little high school. Both of them humored me and went with me to relax in this forest.

My sister rolls over and sees at me.

“Can we leave now? I have a date later.”

I sigh. “Sure.”

I just agree with her so I don’t have to fight with her, like I normally are forced to do. We had a weak sisterhood relationship.

All three of us get up and dust ourselves off. Suddenly I hear a loud tree crashing sound. We all scream out. Amber turns to me.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know. I think we should leave.”

We hurry out toward the edge of the forest where our old car is parked.

We start walking but it turns to into a run when the loud scary noise seems to be getting closer.

I scream aloud when the noise is now in front of us. Amber stumbles and falls behind me. Monica and I stop to help her. The noise is literally right next to us. Monica reaches for Amber and some dark shadow force hits her to the ground. I turn to look what it is.

I see a giant dark man in the shadows. I focus more on to him and see that the moon illuminates the grey fur on him. The thing comes at me and knocks me to the floor.

I hear the screams of my sister as if she was been pulled away. I manage to get to my feet. I look and see Monica face down on the floor. I go towards where the screams of my sister are.

I get to a clearing and see this crazy beast thing over my sister. It goes it and opens its massive mouth. Rows of sharp and furious teeth dig into my sister’s arm. She cries out in pain. Her blood crashes to dirt ground and the bite looks deadly.

I don’t know what to do. I have to save her if I can. I look around and see a rock. I pick it up and toss it at it. The rock hits the beast and it barely feels it. But enough to get its attention.

The gray hairy beast of a man comes towards me with bloody of my sister still dripping from its terrible harsh teeth. I stand there in utter fear.

It walks up to me and smells me. I can’t move. I want to run. I need to run.

Run. I tell my body again and again aloud. Run.

            My courage finally takes over and I go to run. Right when I do, the thing grips my arm, ripping skin off my arm cause of it’s long and sharp claws. I scream and cry in pain. The thing swings at me and it feels like ton of bricks hitting me. I fly to the ground in the most pain of my whole life.

            I lay there, unable to move. I think it may leave and I’ll be safe. But sadly no. The thing leans in and open it mouth again.

I scream out. “Please don’t kill me!” Little did I know that I should have wished for death instead the pain that came.

The teeth hit my pale white flesh of my arm and my nerves yell out in deadly pain. My cold tears hit the pile of blood next to my laid out body.

Please death come for me. I can’t take this.

But it doesn’t. I black out.

Author's Note

good start? worth doing this project?

Reviews

[Bailey C. Writing]

It's a good start. It is interesting, and every story starts somewhere. There are definitely some grammar fixes and sentences that need to be changed, the way they're put together/written. But generally, I like it.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Well wow, this chapter is filled of at tragic situation... this is interesting, it is worth continuing into a project as you asked in your author's note. I like this, but I think you do need a plot so that we can know what it would be about as a summary and warning of the bloody scene and the umm monster that seems to be in this chapter. I like this, it has my attention, would be nice to see if you continued this, where it would lead to and what will happen to the sisters. Since there is a nice cliffhanger that she blacked out at the end.

Possible corrections if you like:
maybe you can put: teenager WHO IS female... so that it will make more sense.
"You would think for a pretty hot teenager female, "
... instead of commas
"Been waiting for years,,,"
looks instead of sees
"My sister rolls over and sees at me."
am instead of are... at the end of this line:
"I just agree with her so I don’t have to fight with her, like I normally are forced to do. "
We start walking but it turns INTO a run... delete the word TO before into a run.
"We start walking but it turns to into a run when the loud scary noise seems to be getting closer."
being ... instead of been
"I hear the screams of my sister as if she was been pulled away."
It goes AND... delete the second word 'it'
" It goes it and opens its massive mouth. "
with blood... instead of bloody
"The gray hairy beast of a man comes towards me with bloody of my sister still dripping from its terrible harsh teeth."
and opens its mouth... add the letter S at the end of the word open and it
" The thing leans in and open it mouth again."

[Ashley]

its a good start. it is worth doing! you really gotta get in the girls point of view. :)

[Kate Hunter]

good job. i love books that start right off with the action. In fact, I try hard to do that every time I start one. I love the way it suddenly changes from "my life sucks" to "Ah, (Insert swearword of your choice here)"
^_^ keep it up.

[Imagination-mage]

of course!!

[TheElfPrincess]

It was a good, interesting start. I think it's worth doing, the excitement was there and I am curious to see what will happen.