Thorns

I don't know. It's probably not so great.

You sit and wear your smug expression
loosely
like your baggy,
faded jeans.
You want the world to feel
its empathy
just for you.

Think again.

Push thorns into the eyes
of those around you
when they get
too close.
It's better
not to feel

anything.

I thought you wanted
to be saved
but I see now
you like the torture
you need it

for survival.

The cord has been cut
on the need
to resurrect
any shred

of what mattered.

I've watched you fall
but now I have to
turn and walk

away.

Hope fell
down the cliff's edge.

You followed.
 

Author's Note

When I grow up, I want to be a poet.

Reviews

[Liza]

insightful - you have helped and tried to pull someone up only to see beyond the ploy of need instead the desire to play victim and not have the courage to make a decision ~ it is difficult to help someone that unconsciously wants to be helpless and not truly believe they deserve more..

[The Perfectionist]

Most people ignore the use of structure and blank space in poetry. You don't. It makes it quite interesting to read, because a lot of the mood is garnered from where and how you've chosen to break.

It works, mostly, being blunt and direct. On a couple of occasions, though, the choice is just strange and looks out of place more than pointed.

"its empathy just
for you"

That's the first example. A pause after just sounds bizarre, not meaningful. There are a few others, which reading the poem aloud (pausing at each line break) should make obvious.

[Art]

some poems leave that thought within the mind...not everyone is self reliant, they have to have that satisfaction based on attention...

interestingly written...

[OT]

oooo this is powerful!! strong stark and in your face! the self-righteous - stick it to them sitting their in their ball of apathy shove the thorns in their eyes haha this was nice!! (you are a poet!! I'm pretty crap at free verse but this was great!!!)

[writernubbin]

an example of a taker, not a giver. it feels strong and I sense the hurt of rejection after offering love and hope. well done. this is powerful.

[robyn.alexandra]

A poem that speaks so many truths.
I'll be the first to admit, I was the sort described in this poem, and I knew exactly what I was doing, you've got the mindset right.
You've set the tone of frustration others give off very well indeed.
lost causes perfectly aware of what they destroy, and they're pleased with it.
Simple words telling a complex story fantastically.
Bravo.

[E.H. Monroe]

Not a review? Are we kidding.
F**k em.
I have a few friends in the teaching profession here in the Bricks my dear and this speaks a zillion volumes of what they complain about.
The false cry for help though some sort of bad life and worse habit but when given help, the students show they didnt want to help, just wanted to cry for it.

I'm going to forward this, if ok with you, to a few of them yeah?