Bleed from me.

Bleed from me.

A Poem by dukovan
"

in the first second and fifth sections, give yourself a good pause after the end of the first line of each stanza. It'll make all the difference in the world.

"
Reversed the urge, to blame.
A dawns on the edge,
and we're still awake.

Bound to the days.
We called ourselves one,
but a third,
still remains.

Bound now the same,
as the dark starts to fade.

---------------------------------------
We cheated our urge.
Turned back the clocks,
an hour assured.

Its getting warm.
Thaw myself down,
to the heart,
of our souls.

Winters ahead,
and it looks like I know.
-------------------------------------
Before the suns up,
and your skin starts to sweat
out the long drive,
exhausting your breath.

I'll stomach your stories,
the best way I can.
My teeth start to chatter,
and my hands tend to sweat.
---------------------------------------
An hour burned off,
both ends of my smile.
I'm getting old,
and live as a child.

I'll attach all my actions,
onto the leaves.
They'll die as they were,
in a pile of me.
-------------------------------------

My brain starts to break.
An hour ago,
its five years too late.

But our great escape.
Twenty years in the making,
and make no mistake.

-------------------------------------
I hope I can fake it,
until it comes true.
Willing the compass,
and crashed into you.

But there's still tomorrow,
a feather and string.
Dangled between danger,
convinced me to sing.
--------------------------------------

We urged your ghost.
The one, you hoped left,
by the time we got home.


© 2011 dukovan


Author's Note

dukovan
this is about my past weekend to Minnesota with my fiance.
We almost split up.
Also I feel this needs to be sang into existence, and only i can do it.

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Reviews

This is perfectly amazing! I can definitely see it as a song. Great piece!!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is a great piece, but seeing as how I joined the group to offer constructive criticism... The lines "I'm getting old and live as a child" and "But our great escape, twenty years in the making and make no mistake" don't quite flow as well as the others. Maybe the first because it's a contradiction I don't quite get the symbolism of, and the second because escape, making, and mistake are all a little too similar to flow well together. But, altogether, a great write!

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is amazing! =) I love how this is written =)

Posted 12 Years Ago


this was perfect! nothing could have expressed it better. I love this piece.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Well written and reflected piece!

I'll attach all my actions,
onto the leaves.
They'll die as they were,
in a pile of me.

You have a lot of tallent, an ability above a lot of the poets i read on here.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is highly likeable and compact. It could in all fairness, be chopped up into several good shorter pieces.

Posted 12 Years Ago


i loved it :P

Posted 12 Years Ago


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Me
This is brilliant!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Sing this song, make it a testament of sound for the both of you. I don't want to leave too much of a review, this poem left me wordless with its emotion. Seems almost fitting to admire it in silence, the better to let your words sink in.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on November 7, 2011
Last Updated on November 18, 2011
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Author

dukovan
dukovan

Oconomowoc, WI



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The pile The pile

A Poem by dukovan



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