Five

The reason why I was never Daddy's little girl...

I was only five

I was only a little girl

The handprints on my arms,

they should have been my own,

from the messy act of finger-painting.

But I did not paint with black and blue,

No, Daddy, those marks were from you.

The perfect mirror image of your hard hand

But I was five

I couldn't understand,

You would rant and yell and scream

and I would lay there and cry and bleed.

I could always tell you didn't want me, Daddy.

I was never the boy the doctor told you I'd be.

Your response was always the same,

when I'd ask if you loved me..

I knew the response as soon as you kicked me out the door,

and locked it shut behind me...

I'd roam those cold, icy streets,

singing of dreams I could never see...

You were one of those dreams, Daddy...

I would sing of the day you'd open that door,

come and draw me close and warm,

kiss my frizzy head and say three little words...

But I was only five, Daddy,

when you pried the dreams and sweet visions from my young mind.

When you left me out to sing in the icy winds below negative ten degrees,

when you'd go to bed after finally unlocking the front door,

when you made me leave childhood to freeze in the street,

and I was forced to live an adult's life,

Daddy, I was only five.

 

Author's Note

Please, point out anything you see and let me know if the poem conveys any particular emotions to you...

Reviews

[ELocke]

Very raw. I liked it very much.

[Ellen Hammond]

I see a little girl who longed to be 'daddy's girl' but has already come to realize that would never be. The repeated line "I was only five" gives this sad write even more impact and drives home the reality of child abuse. So, glad you are free from him.

[emmajoy]

The poem does more than convey emotions to me ..

I see sadness, fear, courage, determination and - true poetry - that because your words moved me. made me cry .. if someone with just a few words can make another person feel something, then, the true craft is there.

[cest la vie]

I see a poem full of raw pain.. Very well written..

[Mark]

You might read my story, "Parable One: The Angry Mountain". It tells the tale of how a seemingly endless series of assaults and insults, humiliation and loss CAN lead to unique strength and beauty. Such do I see here. Thank you.

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

So strange how someone can hurt us and we take it as if we are the bad one.. such is true with children..this reminds me how gentle we must be with the young and how cold the world can be.

[A]

So sad! I really liked the return to "I was only five." It made the poem feel so much more real. I couldn't imagine going through such a thing. You must be a really strong person! This poem was great! :)

[Saturn's Lover]

I thought this was beautifully written