Ninety Percent Off

Ninety Percent Off

A Story by dw817

One wacked out dream involves me trying to find and buy jewelry for my G/F from a jewelry store that claims everything is 90% off.



 90% OFF 


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This story is Rated: EVERYONE

It has been some time since I have had strange dreams. Once again, I'm not entirely sure what brought this one on. I did stay up late, a bad habit I know, I was having some Tres-Leche Birthday cake and reading up on a rather lengthy walk-through for the Ps1 game of Saga Frontier.

Well, the dream starts out with me, Carlos, and my 10-year old niece, Echo, all entering this jewelry store we heard about. Carlos had a flyer in his hand that stated they were liquidating everything and what remained was all 90% off. And a big red sticker, added after they printed the flyer was stuck beside guaranteeing that price.

I was talking to him about how neat it would be to be able to buy $100 jewelry for $10. He was a little more skeptical and said, let's see what there is first.

I remember wearing a little pink plastic ring on my left finger that Rose had gotten me for my last Birthday. I had hoped to find something maybe not just for her but for me as well as plastic was really for kids.

My niece of course went running into the store and we followed after. Carlos handed me the flyer and started off to the right where cabinets of jewelry were. I approached one woman working there and wanted to clarify that everything was indeed 90% off.

"No it's not !" she proclaimed. "Not for you ! What are you doing out of your uniform !? Give me that !" and she snatched the flyer away from me to crumple it in her hands and toss it in the trash.

I saw what was happening. "Ma'am, I don't work here !"

She was quick with a reply, "And you certainly won't with that kind of attitude. Now take this mop and start cleaning the bathrooms ! The men's toilet is backed up again too so you better plunge it !"

I let the mop fall heavily on the ground. Then I spoke more slowly and louder, "Ma'am ! I do =NOT= work here ! I am a customer ! Okay !?"

Without so much as an apology she huffed to herself and walked off. I picked out from the trash and uncrumpled the flyer. Well, with employees like that I can see why they were going out of business.

I approached one jewelry counter and looked at the wonderful set of rings. Many sparkled and shined in dazzling colors and each were only $40-$50 ! I had a $20 with me so I realized I could buy maybe 3 of these lovely rings with tax.

I pointed to one that had this pretty double-crescent moon design that overlapped itself showing a red ruby moon above and a blue sapphire moon below.

"That's $50." she told me.

"No, it's $5 - on sale, right ?"

She countered, "No, it's $50. It's not on sale. This is a one-of-a-kind original."

"What ?" I asked, perplexed. She looked at me, confused. I then showed her the flyer that said everything was 90% off.

"Almost everything." she said. Then she pointed to a tiny red dot which I figured was just a printing glitch, but no, if you put your nose right up against it, you could see, small as it was, it was indeed an asterisk.

"Oh." I said, a little crestfallen now. I hurriedly looked to the bottom to find a sneakily glued flap no bigger than half my thumbnail, which required me to pull open. There in very lightly printed text and upside-down to boot was an addendum to the asterisk.

"While supplies last."

I pointed that to her and continued, "So it's 90% off - while supplies last."

She agreed, "That's right."

I pointed to the ring, "You do have a supply then."

She shook her head on that, "No, that's our display model."

"Display model ?" I asked.

She took the ring back in its box and held it for emphasis. "That's right. This is only for display. We actually don't have any more of this particular ring at the moment."

"So - you couldn't sell it to me anyways ?" I asked.

She hesitated, "For - this particular ring - no, I guess not."

"How about this one ?" I asked, pointing.

"Let me check." This time she brought up a computer screen to see. "No, that's also our last for that particular model. Not for sale."

I wasn't going to be here all day to find what she had and didn't. "Let's cut to the chase. Do you have ANY rings for sale that are 90% off ?"

"Just a moment." she commented. Typed in some numbers on the computer. Waited. And waited. And I waited with her. She greeted me with a cheery smile. "Should have the answer soon." she assured me.

Then I heard a sound like a ding for a fresh apple pie made. "No !" she said with a big grin. "We have no rings on sale right now."

"Meaning - " I asked for clarification.

She interrupted me, "Meaning no rings on sale at all - at any price - right now."

I was angry now, "Then why display them at all !?"

She was quick to retort, "Well this is a jewelry store, isn't it !?" She held her hands out expansively trying to change the mood, "Aren't they lovely though ?"

I shook my head blearily, "I'm not so sure this is a jewelry store. You =DO= sell jewelry here, yes ?"

She spoke through clenched teeth, "Yessir. We do sell jewelry here."

"But not rings." I finalized.

She sighed deeply, "Can I help you with anything else, sir ?"

I sighed myself. Maybe I should've expected this. I mean, they were 90% off. Did I really think I was going to be able to buy out the store or find something really nice at a great price ?

"Fine. Fine. Whatever." I left the display to go to one that showed bracelets. A different woman worked there.

"How can I help you, sir ?" she asked politely enough.

I was ready this time, though. "Do you have any bracelets on sale ?"

She seemed confused, "Only what we have displayed here, sir."

"Are these all display models ?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yessir. They are."

I knew how to handle this. "Can you check please to see if you have ANY bracelets for sale at the 90% off rate as listed on this flyer - where it says guaranteed." and I showed her the advertisement.

She snatched the paper almost as if she were expecting a forgery, but no, it was from their jewelry store. She handed it back but didn't look on her computer, "Nossir. Bracelets are not included in our 'Final Days' Liquidation 90% Off Sale."

"Do you have ANY bracelets on sell then at all ?"

This time she did address a computer cash register. And like before, it took some time. Finally it, too, dinged, like the computer. Almost as if it were smug at me. And the answer was the same.

"Apparently not. No, none of these bracelets are available to purchase. We are liquidating our inventory, you know ?"

"To WHOM is what I would like to know !" I fairly yelled.

She shrugged. I sighed and felt tension between my eyes, "Necklaces ?" I asked with gritted teeth.

* * *

She didn't seem to catch why I was so upset, "Just to the right."

It was a 3rd counter and, of course, absolutely beautiful necklaces were behind the glass.

"Can I help - " you she began to say, but I interrupted her.

"Are ANY of these necklaces for sale at any price ?"

She took offense, "I say ! I would think so ? What are you getting at, sir !?"

"So far both your rings and bracelets are not for sale."

She shrugged and sniffed disdainfully, "You should've gotten here earlier, sir."

"How much earlier ?"

"Our sale started this morning."

"And right then you were ransacked for all your inventory I suppose ?"

She shook her head, "Oh no, you are the first customers for the day."

"But - that is - how can - " I began but lowered my head in despair.

I looked up, "Can you check please. I have a flyer. Still have it. It says 90% off guaranteed."

I looked at her now with a barely concealed and pointed finger, "Can you kindly tell me what exactly, guaranteed, is 90% off in this store ?"

"I can check." she said. Clearly she didn't like my attitude, but I had enough of this run-around.

"Checking." she said. The computer sat there and whittled away on data. It dinged. I was really beginning to hate that particular chime.

"No necklaces are -"

I interrupted her, "You have no necklaces for sale, amirite !?"

She huffed and looked at me with sour eyes, "Yes, that is what I was going to say." She greeted me with dark eyes, "Before you so RUDELY interrupted me."

I held the flyer up again, "So what, guaranteed, do you have for 90% off in this whole store ?"

She could scarcely contain a secret and knowing smile now, "Let's find out, shall we ?"

She fed in new information into the computer. It dinged again, this time though, something did appear on the screen.

"Oh, that." she said.

I squinted my eyes trying to see the screen at this angle but couldn't, "What - the - what the heck is that ?"

"Hey, Mandy ?" she called. The other girl from the first counter came too.

"Yes ?" she asked.

"I need some help here. A customer has a coupon for something we sell for 90% off."

"What do you have ?"

At this point all 3 girls were in a tight whisper and I could not make out what it was.

"Sir." one girl approached me. "Let me go get you our sale item."

"Not a ring, necklace, or bracelet, though, right ?"

There was no answer. A moment later all 3 girls were carrying this awful looking half-inflated bull that was apparently for swimming pools. They clumped it down hard on the counter where it wheezed nastily.

"It was $1,000. Now it's only $100. Wow that's quite a savings, isn't it ?"

The other girls mechanically nodded their head in agreement and all spoke out of turn.

"That's an awesome deal."
"Boy I sure wouldn't pass that by."
"To think you can find something this good in this day and age."
"I would buy that in a heartbeat, it has so many good uses."

"Are you all done !?" I asked the trio angrily.

They looked back at me with cross eyes, "What ? This sale item is not good enough for you, SIR !?"

I put both hands on the counter and gripped the glass tightly. "That is not even jewelry ! It's not even new. Heck I don't even think it qualifies as USED, there's one horn missing on that - that THING ! Why on Earth would you even attempt to try and sell that monstrosity to me !?"

One of the girls was quick to reply, "Because it's on sale. We are having a store-wide sale you know." The other girls nodded rapidly in agreement.

"But no sale on jewelry !!" I roared.

With that they started flipping their fingers out to me. "Shoo ! Just go ! Leave the store. We don't want you here ! You have a bad attitude, mister."

One girl reached for my hand, "I'll take this too. You haven't paid for it yet !" and took off my plastic ring !

"That's plastic !" I told her, completely perplexed she would want anything to do with it. "It's cheap PLASTIC, from a gumball machine ! And it's not even yours !"

She was firm with me, "Oh yes it is. It's jewelry. That's not plastic. It's some type of Jade, semi-precious at that, you most definitely did get that here. And you're not leaving without paying for it."

I wasn't going to argue at this point. She took the ring and placed it under the counter where she worked. It was clear to any idiot that it was cheap plastic compared to the actual valuable rings.

"Whatever." I said, not wanting to fight anyone anymore.

I started for the exit when I realized something was pretty and sparkling on my wrist. It was so thin at the moment I could almost not see it. It was a pretty gold bracelet with tiny little diamonds inter-spaced the link every half-inch.

I was approaching the exit where I saw Carlos and Echo sitting in chairs, having not bought anything. But there was a security machine I was passing through.

Quickly I checked the bracelet which seemed to appear more clearly now and the gold band was a little thicker. There were no tags on it so I doubt it would set off anything.

Looking straight ahead I walked normally and - fortunately the machine was not set off by it. I had to think. When that saleswoman took my plastic ring she must've dipped her wrist close to mine and her bracelet transferred to my wrist without either her or me knowing.

Carlos looked at me, shaking the bracelet around.

"Oh, you found something ?"

"Seems so." I told him.

"Well, they didn't have anything I wanted. They had a nice selection but I couldn't see any jewelry I really liked that they had, even at 90% off."

I was going to tell him that the vultures in there only had that stupid inflatable float for sale, originally at a ludicrous amount of $1,000. But kept my mouth shut. Clearly the bracelet I had would be more than enough wonderful gift for Valentine's Day to give Rose when I saw her.

"Let's get out of here." I told him. He and Echo got up, and we all left the store.


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