Excuses, Excuses

I had the first stanza of this poem in my head when persuading my cousin to divulge with me in the single-ness of sixteen and loveless. And then, as always, I only wanted to develop the idea.

I have wanted Death since my early years.

I have loved actively, alas--passively, I have known

That it no longer becomes the complacencies of

The copper foot to suit me with love back.

Nobody is alone in Death.

I have wanted to tear my Niamh,

Limb from love, peel forth her starry white,

Heed her screech. I have wanted her armour

Against my teeth so I could be more in my humanity

Than immortality in it's frozen descent. 

I have wanted men in thick, black suits, stalled above me,

Conserving my morales, for the sheer wanting

And the most selfish principles it can provide. 

All so I could cry wolf and have it's jaw open in defence,

Thick, black armour -- the world would take heed. 

I have tasted, for one million years -- a fleshy sun, 

Mooning over me, the mobile sin of wanting.

And the grave of days counting down for me

And the tides sway with me, they reach their pointed tips

To touch the sky, un-sorry, marred in the spot of tranquility. 

I have wanted the moon to be in grasp of me.

To love me like it does the current, moving it, tendering it,

To tame it slimly, make it pure. I have prayed, once every fortnight,

For the twice-removed fortitude of the jarring precedent. 

I have known, in all my years;

Man's bitter tongue, and the sweet sleep of affectation,

Burrowed deep in the wombless woman, offering itself up like a taunt,

Cruel claws, I forgive you because I'd ask for nothing more myself,

And in all my years, all I have done is want, with no return, 

(And offered myself up as an excuse.)

Author's Note

opinions. i do not want scholar-ly criticism, that does not appeal to me and i do not wish to appeal to them. i wish to appeal to people, and to their opinions; negative, or positive. please give me them. i am too often hungered by it.

Reviews

[Stephanie]

your writing compare to mine is beyond the scale!
I love it , (:

[Amorette Duvannes]

Aw - no comparisons need be made, lovely. Not one of us is eligible to make them. We have all experienced different time-lines, on different wavelengths, in effect, contributing to our voice. We can't make comparisons across our art because that would be make comparisons across our lives, and what do any of us know about what happens in one another's lives?

Thank you for your kind words - and I hope you yourself feel compelled to write more, and more.