Jealousy

I don't understand why
you are so attached
you are so possesive
and you are so clingy.

Much more, I don't know why
I'm feeling this way,
I'm screaming this way,
and I'm hurting this way.

Despite all these, we are nothing.
I don't own you,
you don't own me.
But this jealousy got the best of us.

Author's Note

Impulse writing due to raw emotion I cannot decipher, not emo anymore since I can't fit into that. :P

Well, yeah...bash it out. Content and technicals.

Reviews

[SarahCortland]

I like it. It's different. I like the way it comes across as an expression. Good job.

[Simple_mee]

Nice one. Jelousy is one emotion i dont understand. N this is also true that it leads only to destruction, nothing constructive can be achieved by possessing this attribute.
The poem was great. Found nothing wrong as far as the technicals are concerned !! :)

[Poetic Beauty]

Nice try but his isn't quite emo. The flow is good though and I do like the poem but you would have to reach way down deep and find a much darker place to be emo. I don't know if I have even written something dark enough to be consider emo. :}

[Rachel U.]

Okay, The Perfectionist is very much right here. "Emo" just does not suit you - what makes "emo" at all enjoyable (because it is usually accompanied by horrific grammar and no rhythm) is the pure, unbridled emotion that comes with it. If you do an angry style like this, it's more...hm, as thus:

I don't understand why you're
So attached.
So possessive.
So clingy.
(although I wouldn't even suggest using the word "clingy," because it feels tame in comparison to the rest of your poem). Play with word art, short phrases brutally compiled with long torrents of passion.
Edit: WC f*cked up what I tried to do with the above example. Sorry about that.

Besides which, this poem really didn't make that much sense. //Despite all these, we are nothing.// This line should imply something positive came before it, but it didn't.

Your technicals are fine and dandy. If you would like, I'll post some of my own "emo" poetry, which I usually hold back from other people. There was nothing actually wrong with this, so I'll rate it as 9.4/10

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Man..you really captured the dark side of the human experience.
This obsession is just scary. Its alarming to see yourself become a
person you dont know...and you dont know how it happened. Despite
all of the hot emotion, the situation seems so empty. You've really
surprised me with this. Well done. I like the repetition. Your angry
writing is violent and your thoughts attack the subject relentlessly.
I actually like this overkill. It seems to be unique to your style.

[The Perfectionist]

Jealousy in the last line, not jealous.

Yeah, emo doesn't really suit you. This is stodgy and extremely literal. It has form only in repetition, not in rhythm and it's actually a little annoying to read. I like the content, but you could have dressed it up much better than this. Three stars.

[Bette]

i like this, but i cant help with the techncals tho....