Malignancy

In memory of my mother who died in 1998

Malignancy

 

 

Cancer took my Mom away,

On a warm night in mid May,

 

Began in lung and went to brain,

You did not hurt, but we felt pain,

 

Cancer consumed flesh and mind,

And left a shell of you behind,

 

So we watched you fade away,

Growing weaker every day,

 

And the thought that makes me cry,

Was your whispered last goodbye,

 

I should have stayed there by your side,

And held your hand until you died,

 

But I confess I was afraid,

Otherwise I would have stayed,

 

It’s not easy to watch death,

To see your mom take her last breath,

 

It brought out all the fear in me,

And to my shame I chose to flee,

 

And though I saw your orb of light,

Shining briefly the next night,

 

And I knew it was your soul,

Assuring me of Heaven’s goal,

 

Cancer’s most destructive part,

Is what it does to a loved one’s heart

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

I see that this was posted 2 months ago but I know that the pain is still there. It's so heartbreaking when your beloved mother was taken away from you by cancer. I'm sorry for your loss. Keep going.

[Eddie Davis]

Thanks, Dhaye, I featured it as tomorrow (May 19th) is the 16th anniversary of her death.

[Blue]

Losing a mother must be unbearable. I don't want to think that happening to me. Another sad poem, Eddie. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Eddie Davis]

Thanks, Blue, this was a poem I probably should have written 10 years ago.

[Blue]

Why did you write it just recently?

[Eddie Davis]

Well, that is a good question. My wife thinks I've suppressed dealing with my emotions at her death. She died from cancer in May of 1998 after a 6 month fight. It went to her brain and at one point she forgot select parts of her past. Her mother died in 1969, yet she asked me if her mother was dead, I told her yes, and she cried as if it was fresh news to her. It was a rough six months and about 4 days before she died, we thought she was going to die, so I sat with her all night, thinking I was watching her die. One time she came awake and asked me 'Am I dying?' and I honestly told her "I don't know'. I was always close to my Mom, so the following Tuesday night, we knew she would probably die that night. My Dad asked me if I wanted to stay, and I just couldn't take seeing her die, so like a craven coward, I told him no. At 3 AM Dad called and told me she'd died and we went back up there to be with him. I feel shame for not being with her at death. I feel bad also for not being there for my Dad. After Mom died, I grew much closer to Dad, and he died -- on my birthday-- 2 1/2 years later, of (we think) a heart attack. Though this sounds like a really ridiculous book or bad country song, sadly, this is how my parents died. I probably have one about my Dad that I need to write too.

[Blue]

Oh, Eddie. That's sad, indeed. I don't know how to handle that situation if it had been me. I probably would disillusion myself and deny the whole thing. I'd more likely lock myself in my room, refuse any human interaction, and waste my hours. Still, I think you were braver than me if I was in your shoes. Thanks for sharing this to me, Eddie. I look forward to reading your poem with your dad.

[Eddie Davis]

Blue, God gave me greater strength than I could have ever mustered, during that time. He gave me peace during the whole thing. He did the same thing when my Dad died suddenly. God is faithful to carry you in times when you can't even walk.

[Blue]

I couldn't agree more.