I am the Stranger -- long version

This is a longer version of 'I am the Stranger', a 10 word challenge. This one is fully developed. Underlined words are the challenge words.

I am the stranger,

Under your skin,

Shiny and golden,

But brassy within,

 

Remember nothing,

Obedient tool,

Destined to hurry,

A short sighted fool

 

Softly refreshing,

Relationship new,

Hoping for ardor,

Without any glue,

 

Counting syllables,

Failing the rhyme,

Burning your bridges,

Completely each time,

 

Heir of destruction,

Aggressively thrust,

Crazed by desire,

Powered by lust,

 

Bold-hearted rooster,

Calculating c**k,

Crowing for chickens,

Encircling the flock,

 

Flow with the moment,

Morals erode,

Drowning in passion,

Or let it explode

 

 

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I like this one the best of the two. You did a great job with the given words. Your first stanza is powerful to me.
"I am the stranger,
Under your skin,
Shiny and golden,
But brassy within,"
It speaks to me of that part of us that is strong and can drive us to operate against our own will so to speak. Just my take, but I love the thoughts it conjures in me about the animal nature that the spiritual nature must fight constantly. That "stranger under your (our) skin".

[Eddie Davis]

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

First off, congratulations for winning the contest, too. So this is a long version. Both are great. You are continuously improving as a poet, Eddie. Keep it up!

[Eddie Davis]

Thanks, Dhaye, but I only got 5th place out of 8 contestants.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

It is okay. At least you're a placer. For me, joining a contest is only for fun and for inspiration to create something to "block" the writer's block. :)