Shadows from the tree outside

Throw me to the tree-shadows

trembling on the floor,

    I understand their breathing,

    they know how to hold me, like water.

 

I’ve yet to hear my echo;

it’s probably caught in a thorn

bush or simply forgot where it originated from.

 

Silly shadows, I’m not naked, yet,

            but here--take my voice

            and wrap it around the moon’s

            spine like ivy on a lamp-post.

 

Dear shadows, have you traced

back to the tree you stretch from?

It’s Gaelic name is written

over and over in its’ leaf-veins.

 

I know it’s difficult for you to rise

and drink from the sun; all shadows

climb up the walls and my skin

is yours, just like your echoed

darkness is mine.

Author's Note

wrote this a bit ago during an emotionally rough time

Reviews

[K. Louis]

I like the opening..it's a striking image. The line break in the second stanza was a little off-beat for me, and i wasn't quite sure about all the punctuation in the first and third stanzas..I read them over a few times and think it works better with less commas...it felt a little like dancing with two left feet...perhaps this is the beat you were going for. Nonetheless, your imagery and concept is strong. Being caught up in the shadows of the past...almost torn away from your body...like being on the outside looking in and thinking...how have I disconnected so much from what was...and is there still any of that left because everything feels and looks so different. anyhow, i'm rambling. I liked the last stanza, " I know it's difficult for you to rise and drink from the sun" ..this reminded me of those inner dialogues we have with ourselves..to convince..to find purpose..

[eglantine]

haha, two left feet, I like that comparison. Yes, this one still needs quite a bit of work--I've been so busy lately. Thanks!

[K. Louis]

no problemo!

[Misery]

A wonderfully unique elaboration on tree shadows. Very nice poem, eglantine.

"wrap it around the moon’s
spine like ivy on a lamp-post."

Great imagery, I will long remember that verse.

[Chris]

You wrote it with heart and the flow fits exceptionally well. The tones floated full and clear as it was read aloud.

[bob, small b. aka invs]

damn, you're good.

one little rare criticism. a technical thing that probably only annoys me, so take it with a grain of salt... ending the second stanza in a preposition, 'from'. grammatically that's a no no. to me it would sound better 'from where it originated'. or simply leave off the 'from' completely.

keep sending those read requests, i do get to them eventually.

[joshua deathdealer]

Mind bending. I like surreal feel and the timing.

[Jack...]

Wow, so very sad, almost a pleading with the universe to let me sit here in peace and fall in my own pain. Very cool Eglantine. Nice to see something new from you my friend.

[Melobldnfr]

Exquisite as usual, friend. Well done.

[keyvan]

great job...beautiful
thank you

[Leslie Philibert]

a poet I admire and like.
subtle, little points impress me, the capital of Dear,the way the poem employs an extended metaphor without working tired., the form of the first and third stanza. So as I often say, a poet that every WC reader should look at as an example of serious, talented poetry.

[eglantine]

thank you :)

[beautiful dreamer]

beautiful. imagery and word choice is great. a piece worth reading!

[eglantine]

Thanks Jen :)

[Abhra]

A superb use of imagery especially the line
"my skin
is yours, just like your echoed
darkness is mine."

I found this line is masterful. A very emotive poem and flows beautifully but I have a minor critique, if you will. There is some confusion between using shadows (in plural) and using you in singular. For instance,
" Dear Shadows, have you traced back to the tree you stretch from?"
Hope you don't mind.

Overall a very beautiful poem.

[eglantine]

I don't mind at all! Thank you for your suggestion.