Hugs
A Poem by Elizabeth Carter
This came to me a few months ago in a passing thought, and I just had to write it all down. :)
When you hug someone, your heart touches theirs. When you kiss someone, your lips touch theirs. A person's heart leads straight to everything that means anything to them. A heart knows how a person feels. It contains their true desires and emotions. A person's lips are the words, the part of their life that they decide to confide with others. Those words may not always be what their heart is saying. I think this is why a hug feels so much better than a kiss sometimes. While a kiss can mean the world, sometimes, all you need is a good old-fashioned hug.
© 2013 Elizabeth Carter
Author's Note
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Couldn't come up with a good title... Oh well!
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Featured Review
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A very good poem with a few imperfections. First off, this line could use some touch up. "When you kiss someone, your lips touch theirs." This describe what a kiss is and in comparison to first line, feels lacking. I think a diffent choice of words in the last part of that line would help the poem start off better. The last thing I would reccommend changing is removing "sometimes" from the last line. It breaks it up unnecessarily and removing it would make the line flow better. Other than that it was a very good read.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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11 Years Ago
In what way does the line seem lacking? I wrote this as a way to highlight the positives of hugs, an.. read moreIn what way does the line seem lacking? I wrote this as a way to highlight the positives of hugs, and not necessarily to show positive of kisses. I kind of wanted to show that a hug is better, in a way, than a kiss.
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11 Years Ago
First, I understand perfectly what the poem is about. You did a fantastic job with that. The reaso.. read moreFirst, I understand perfectly what the poem is about. You did a fantastic job with that. The reason the second line is lacking is because it is a simple describtion of a kiss while the first line was so much more. "When you hug someone, your heart touches theirs." That is an absolute beautiful line. This line descibes a hug wonderfully and actually makes me the reader see it in a different light. The second line, unfortunately, goes flat instead of running with it a bit. I know you are showing a hug is better than a kiss, but the second line doesn't downplay the kiss like the poem as a whole does. The second line in the poem just makes it seem like nothing. I'm sorry I'm not much help with this and the my explanation is a bit poor, but I do know that it is a hiccup in the poem and I don't want it to hold back what can be a flawless piece.
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11 Years Ago
Any suggestions?:) I'm up for any! If you do, just message me them:)
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11 Years Ago
Unfortunately, no. The only things I can compare a kiss to and downplay it at the same time don't f.. read moreUnfortunately, no. The only things I can compare a kiss to and downplay it at the same time don't fit and/or are too long. For example, "When you kiss someone, its like smelling a sweet flower." That doesn't fit at all with the poem and doesn't downplay it enough.
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11 Years Ago
Alright, well I'll think about it and maybe come up with something. Thanks:)
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11 Years Ago
No problem. Sorry I'm not more help with it.
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11 Years Ago
It's fine! Thanks!
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Reviews
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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11 Years Ago
Not sure if that's a compliment or not... hahaha
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11 Years Ago
We will never know.
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11 Years Ago
Haha okay then.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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11 Years Ago
In what way does the line seem lacking? I wrote this as a way to highlight the positives of hugs, an.. read moreIn what way does the line seem lacking? I wrote this as a way to highlight the positives of hugs, and not necessarily to show positive of kisses. I kind of wanted to show that a hug is better, in a way, than a kiss.
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11 Years Ago
First, I understand perfectly what the poem is about. You did a fantastic job with that. The reaso.. read moreFirst, I understand perfectly what the poem is about. You did a fantastic job with that. The reason the second line is lacking is because it is a simple describtion of a kiss while the first line was so much more. "When you hug someone, your heart touches theirs." That is an absolute beautiful line. This line descibes a hug wonderfully and actually makes me the reader see it in a different light. The second line, unfortunately, goes flat instead of running with it a bit. I know you are showing a hug is better than a kiss, but the second line doesn't downplay the kiss like the poem as a whole does. The second line in the poem just makes it seem like nothing. I'm sorry I'm not much help with this and the my explanation is a bit poor, but I do know that it is a hiccup in the poem and I don't want it to hold back what can be a flawless piece.
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11 Years Ago
Any suggestions?:) I'm up for any! If you do, just message me them:)
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11 Years Ago
Unfortunately, no. The only things I can compare a kiss to and downplay it at the same time don't f.. read moreUnfortunately, no. The only things I can compare a kiss to and downplay it at the same time don't fit and/or are too long. For example, "When you kiss someone, its like smelling a sweet flower." That doesn't fit at all with the poem and doesn't downplay it enough.
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11 Years Ago
Alright, well I'll think about it and maybe come up with something. Thanks:)
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11 Years Ago
No problem. Sorry I'm not more help with it.
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11 Years Ago
It's fine! Thanks!
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483 Views
16 Reviews
Added on January 1, 2013
Last Updated on January 1, 2013
Tags: hugs, kisses, love, words, heart, lips, desire, feelings, emotions
Author
Elizabeth CarterGA
About
My writing come from my heart, and my emotions, and I hope that you will be able to connect with it, and enjoy reading it! I don't try to stick to any way of writing so my work will more than likely b.. more..
Writing
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