Giant Knot.

A giant knot finds itself lurking in my throat-

a painful reminder 

of all the thoughts and words and actions 

I swallow down. 

Will others notice..? 

I hope not

because I surely 

am not paying attention to them. 

My walk is more of a swim 

trying to breeze by the world 

and all the people. 

My focus is sharp and clear 

but the faces, 

oh so many faces, 

all a blur. 

Amidst their smudges 

they try and communicate 

but I have learned that it's best 

to block them out. 

The faces say trust your gut,

when I barely even know where my gut is.

The faces are fearless 

when it comes to telling you 

that you need help, 

but in terms of actually 

offering you any, 

they whimper away. 

Not that I would even benefit 

from their help anyway. 

They act like healing a human is one quick fix. 

Just wipe away the tears, darling

and wave this magic wand, 

and you'll be good to go. 

Do they not realize 

that wiping the tears 

only leaves room for more? 

Do they not understand 

that by waving the magic healing wand, 

they are simply sticking a band-aid on a bruise? 

All their Pain Shield is going to do 

is hide the fact of sadness for a little while, 

until the time comes and every tiny follicle 

is once again reminded of hurt. 

The faces' help also consists 

of trying to tie up all the loose ends, 

but as feelings bubble up, 

they'll have to be tied once more. 

And repeat. 

Eventually all that remains of the rope 

is one giant knot, 

and I'm back where I left off, 

at square one.