Feelings Melted Into a Pillowcase.

everyone always talks of laying 

in bed at night. 

thoughts haunting their heads 

memories playing in their brains

made up scenarios 

dreams

replaying the day

longing for a companion. 

my sleep is different. 

my day is full of such exhaustion 

that when i crawl up to bed 

my body has already been 

begging for sleep for hours. 

the thoughts and loneliness, 

they dont come at night, 

they haunt me throughout the day. 

when bedtime rolls around i fall asleep 

on accident

the lights on and half finished work 

in my hand and an unsent text left on my phone. 

unaware that my eyes 

are closing and my day is coming 

to an end

too tired to think, 

too tired to care.  

instead of feelings 

being melted away 

into my pillowcase, 

waking up leaves me 

rushing, overwhelmed, unprepared

promising myself that ill allow the upcoming

day to be better

but somehow the next morning

is even more of a frenzy than the one before

i long for laying in bed

reliving moments

praying for hope

envisioning glimpses of the future

for my brain never has a time to conclude

any of the thoughts i want to draw to a close

im left to push all these pieces of thoughts

to the side

to make room

for a new day's worth of thinking.

my sleep is different. 

instead of feelings 

being melted away 

into my pillowcase, 

waking up leaves me 

rushing, overwhelmed, unprepared

the thoughts and loneliness, 

they dont come at night, 

they haunt me throughout the day.