Dark Lines

Dark Lines

These dark lines

Hiding my once innocent eyes

I peer from the black

That slowly eats me.

Reviews

[i.am.the.sun.]

this is great, but i would switch some of the lines up a little.
eg: "I peer from these dark lines//
the black that slowly eats me//
hiding my once innocent eyes."
doing so also allows it to have a syllable count that goes up by 1 each line. 6, 7, 8. and makes it look like less of a 4 line stanza and more of a stand alone short poem. :) i like this, friend request accepted!

[Joey Irwin]

Short and sweet...or should I say short and dark??
I really like this poem, it's message is clear and I just really like it :D

[halflives]

Dark, depressing. I'm used to reading this stuff ;D
Even in four short lines, you bring us into this world that we can picture. Very good.

[Alice In My Own Wonderl..]

Wow. Even though this poem is short, it has a very strong message! I can relate to this. The words flow perfectly together! Great job.

[Zackery Alan Daley]

No rhyming, very black in a witch hunting sort of way, but it either needs more clever vocabulary, or to be extended out a few stanzas. Remember this too: only honest feedback is going to morph you into a better poet, or perhaps unlock the poet trapped inside. I am ready and willing to help with anything you need that has to do with writing.

[♥Chloe-The-Zombi..]

this is really good! i like it. i can relate. keep writingg :) 100/100

[Dr.Who.LOVER]

Short but I liked it.

[Dream Weaver]

Deep and desolate.....

[Hello, Goodbye]

lol curious

[Reena]

A dark begining--looking forward to still darker stuff from you . may all the darkness pour out and leave you with only light.