A Snippet of an Opening

A Snippet of an Opening

A Story by Enjoy

For the contest.


I had never before seen the edge of the world: nor had the idea occurred to me that it could've existed. I'd always been skeptical but here I stood gazing dumbly into the mute, infinite maw of the abyss: a believer.

© 2011 Enjoy

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I'm not sure if I'm supposed to review this, seeing how it's so short, but I could tell you some things.
Put a comma between skeptical and but. It seems awkwardly phrased without a pause.
Dumbly has always been a tentative word to use, as it always seems like you're breaking some grammar rule. It also doesn't fit into the rest of the paragraph, though I'm not sure if that was intentional. I would replace it with something else.
All in all, a catching opener, or at least, a catching snippet of an assuming to be interesting opener.

Posted 13 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on July 21, 2011
Last Updated on July 21, 2011



Brandon, Manitoba, Canada

Hey there, I'm Caleb. I'm 20 years old, and I work for the Canadian Army. I know what you're thinking: "But, Caleb! Canadians don't have an army, silly! They just drink maple syrup and high-five bea.. more..

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A Chapter by Enjoy